Association and affirmation
I'm waking up now. I took my shower and put on some fresh clothes.
As you must have surmised, I wear all black, every day, along with a cassock (black too) over all of it. It's something I've gotten used to and makes dressing in the morning just another routine of no effort.
Yesterday I started to question about why I get so upset at times with 'life blips' of no control or hurt or humiliation and what I do when I become so upset. Much of the time I realized I look for associations, to help support and affirm me...as in...'I am like this or that...or I am like him or whomever'. I see it, images, within me and it was habit formed very early on in life. It was a thought or a realization that made me question how I motivate myself to get my life going in any direction. And ultimately what sets my mind at ease, in terms of knowing what I'm like..I'm ok...or not.
I was driving to pick up a package with one of the priests yesterday and my life felt pointless. I felt like a person of no consequence just a guy going for a joy ride with no promise for an exceptional life. Just lighthearted fun but nothing exceptional.
i questioned what it would take to make my Dad proud of me, wouldn't that motivate me, I thought, to finally create something in the world?...but it felt impossible. It's just something that I thought about. He is a man of great character and ability and he and my mother made being of great character the essential focus of raising us and yet looking beyond that seems an additional mountain to climb in terms of personal pursuit and survival. Then i thought what would it take to make myself proud of me?...and that was engaging and grounding and motivating though it's a struggle that will take practice. But it is focusing me in a new way and my resources seem ready to chart that path.
You guys so support me and remind me of the good things in life. The good friends and good people you are. You remind me I have value and you all are so valuable too. Peer to peer you guys make a difference every day!
Have a great day ahead. I hope there is something that sparks during the day. That makes you feel alive and peaked. Enriched and engaged.
Sending love out to you.
M-diddy
Replies
So basically when I am upset, I see how it’s important to self associate the good things about my life and self, and maybe too remind myself of my successes like has been urged to me before.
I know I’ve talked about commonality here too.. That’s been another aspect and healthful thing I’ve found too.
Wisdom:
Success is like failure ... It's what you do with it, not how you achieve it.
~
Stephen Sondheim
Why the "small things" matter more
Consistency: Tiny actions repeated daily compound into lasting change, like saving a little money or practicing a skill.
Relationships: A lifetime of small gestures—listening, remembering details, showing up—builds deeper bonds than one grand gesture.
Identity: Who we are is defined by the habits we live with every day, not just the rare triumphs.
Resilience: Small wins keep us moving forward, even when big successes feel far away.
Joy: The little pleasures—morning coffee, laughter, a walk—often outweigh the fleeting thrill of major achievements.
It’s a bit like building a mosaic: each tile may seem insignificant, but together they form the picture of a life.
The above Is You Mark...the constant questions you ask of yourself are Not You...those questions do make a part of you, of your thoughts, so much more comes through your actions...like taking a picture, going for a drive to share time with a Priest to get a package, writing here daily on ds to encourage, others and yourself, showing your love to Blue and a microrad of other things which you do daily.
:"""""Your Actions Speak Louder Than Thoughts or Words"""""
Kind of like as an example, a fake sorry doesn't mean much...
where as
"""a behavior change to ''show sorry is real" is what truly comes through to find acceptance and forgiveness"""
Thanks Mary Louise,
I have thought about it some more. I guess to be clear I’ve just realized what these relationships here with the monastics are and that is a formalization of a dynamic of relationships . Just may not be right for me. Politics are everywhere, I tend to like humanism a bit more.
I know I pick things apart to the nth degree to understand them. And so I have formalized my opinion of that which is formal here. This life has allowed me to live in that world of formality but childlike and contemplating too.
Thanks for being there ML. You rock!
I really hope and Pray that one day you'll find what is needed to obtain that love, acceptance and forgiveness which leads you to question yourself and your abilities. You've nothing to prove to anyone as long as you know you've done what you can in any given situation...you do that daily putting your best foot forward.
You Are Beautiful Just As You Are <3
Thanks Mary Louise !!!<3<3<3
ML wrote it so well sweetie
We love you just the way you are and I hope one day you'll feel that to
You deserve to....Big hug...xo
Thanks Janet!! I love you and all my friends here!
Hugssss
Thanks Nikki!
I agree 100% with ML and Jan. You *are* exceptional, M-diddy, and you mean a lot to all of us. Hugs.
Thanks Judy! xx you also and all of you help make life good!!