Ashes
This is a poem I wrote a long time ago dealing with the situation with my dad.
Ashes
When the thunder takes over my house and homeI just get drenched in the thought that youMore than I ran from the rain, ran fromWhat make us hurt, what makes usAll pull to separate corners of the circle,The continuous line lost to us with our eyes closed.
Shake me hard and maybe I’ll forgetThat pissed off look and the way youCould reduce me to ashes with a glareDon’t care. I don’t want it nowAnd every time you say I love youI want to slap you for the blasphemy of it all.
And peace will reign as I figure you outThe way you tick, the part of youThat I thought was the worst of meDrops from my shoulders now, your burdenAnd not my ownThe ugly scar that turned them all away from me.
How many times do I get a do-over?Because I know I’m near my limit but this old girlShe just keeps coming up fightingAnd thank God because without that fight,That will, the battle would be lostAnd the war, to the one that started this whole damn play.
I wish you never met so I’d not been born this monsterWishing for the legacy to be gone that I passed on to my angelsWho deserve so much more than thisInsecure, a dirty heart just waiting to be redeemedWho will have it, who will say it’s worth it for all that,Worth it for that damn baggage I can do without?
Or could I tempt someone with the one thing that belongs to me?Maybe someone doesn’t mind a heart a bit raggedAnd still beating in spite of the gray, regardless of the one scarI couldn’t erase. And you, well you will be reduced to ashes,And I’d call you an s.o.b. if I didn’t think so much of your mother.
And I won’t even glance, my job nowAngels in my shadow,These reflections that look to me to beWhat I never was, but wanted, and youWill never know them, but I won’t be sad for thatScattering the ashes over 2716 Main Street.
Ashes
When the thunder takes over my house and homeI just get drenched in the thought that youMore than I ran from the rain, ran fromWhat make us hurt, what makes usAll pull to separate corners of the circle,The continuous line lost to us with our eyes closed.
Shake me hard and maybe I’ll forgetThat pissed off look and the way youCould reduce me to ashes with a glareDon’t care. I don’t want it nowAnd every time you say I love youI want to slap you for the blasphemy of it all.
And peace will reign as I figure you outThe way you tick, the part of youThat I thought was the worst of meDrops from my shoulders now, your burdenAnd not my ownThe ugly scar that turned them all away from me.
How many times do I get a do-over?Because I know I’m near my limit but this old girlShe just keeps coming up fightingAnd thank God because without that fight,That will, the battle would be lostAnd the war, to the one that started this whole damn play.
I wish you never met so I’d not been born this monsterWishing for the legacy to be gone that I passed on to my angelsWho deserve so much more than thisInsecure, a dirty heart just waiting to be redeemedWho will have it, who will say it’s worth it for all that,Worth it for that damn baggage I can do without?
Or could I tempt someone with the one thing that belongs to me?Maybe someone doesn’t mind a heart a bit raggedAnd still beating in spite of the gray, regardless of the one scarI couldn’t erase. And you, well you will be reduced to ashes,And I’d call you an s.o.b. if I didn’t think so much of your mother.
And I won’t even glance, my job nowAngels in my shadow,These reflections that look to me to beWhat I never was, but wanted, and youWill never know them, but I won’t be sad for thatScattering the ashes over 2716 Main Street.
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