AS (WHITESNAKE) WOULD SAY : HERE I GO AGAIN

WELL AS A POPULAR BAND ONCE QUOTED (HERE I GO AGAIN)....I HAVE BEEN SO LONELY AND DEPRESSED OFF IN MY OWN LITTLE HELL I HAVENT BEEN WRITEING IN MY JOURNAL OR BEEN ONLINE MUCH.THINGS HAVE NOT CHANGED ANY FOR ME OBVIOUSLY AND I KNOW ITS MY FAULT BECAUSE I AM THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO CHANGE THINGS.MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE....ONE DAY I FEEL POSITIVE AND WANT TO MAKE CHANGES AND THEN SOME DAYS I BARELY WANT TO GET OUT OF BED....ITS STRANGE THAT EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE FUNCTIONING AROUND ME AND DOESNT NOTICE OR CARE THAT I AM FALLING APART INSIDE....IT SEEMS ALL I DO IS TAKE KIDS HERE AND THERE AND LISTEN TO THEM ARGUE FROM MORNING TILL NIGHT.HUBBY(ASSHOLE) JUST KEEPS COMEING AND GOING WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD..I ON THE OTHER HAND HAVE THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD ON MY SHOULDERS.I AM VERY STRESSED ABOUT NOT HAVEING MONEY FOR SCHOOL CLOTHES AND AM ALREADY WORRYING ABOUT WINTER AND AFFORDING HEAT .....I MIGHT AS WELL BE A HUNDRED YEARS  OLD BECAUSE THATS HOW I FEEL...HOPELESS,LONELY AND JUST PLAIN TIRED...MY DAUGHTER WENT BACK FOR ANOTHER CHECK UP FROM HER SURGERY AND NOW THEY ARE AFRAID OF INFECTION FROM THE BONE GRAPH.THEY PUT HER ON STRONG MEDS AGAIN AND A CREAM TO MAKE SURE THINGS DONT GET WORSE...I HAVE NO GAS MONEY TO GET TO BADLY NEEDED DOCTORS APPTS FOR ME AND MY KIDS....I KEEP RESCHEDULEING AND AM SICK OF THE OFFICES GIVEING ME A BUNCH OF SHIT OVER THINGS I CANNOT HELP.I JUST WANT MY JOB AND MY LIFE BACK..............I CANNOT TAKE THIS KIND OF LIFE ANYMORE..I SHOULD HAVE DIED IN THAT CAR ACCIDENT...I DONT HAVE ANY FRIENDS ANYMORE AND NO ONE TO TALK TO..PEOPLE ON HERE JUST ARENT THE SAME ANYMORE.I REALIZE EVERYONE HAS THIER OWN ISSUES AND CANT HANDLE SOMEONE WHINEING  ALL THE TIME LIKE I SEEM TO DO ANYMORE.EVERYTIME I SET GOALS FOR MYSELF AND SAY TOMMAROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY I SEEM TO DO WORSE...I DONT WANT TO BE LONELY ANYMORE....I NEED COMPANIONSHIP ,UNDERSTANDING ,FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE......I USED TO TAKE PRIDE IN BEING A MOTHER NOW I AM HAVEING A HARD TIME DEALING WITH EVERYTHING AND FEEL LIKE A FAILURE...I JUST WANT TO DISSAPPEAR......

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Hey Tammy I\'m so sorry to hear about things. First off i wanna say that i\'m praying for your family...especially your daughter\'s health. Also your in my thoughts and prayers. I know we dont converse much but everytime i see your sad journals they remind me of me, and it\'s sad that we can relate on a level such as this, but in a way i guess it can become a blessing in disguise because i\'m here for you and i can relate, because your not alone. With that said i know times are hard financially, maybe you can try to apply for Public assistance. I know they have medicaid, i dont know how it works in your state but here they even provide you with transportation to your appointments, and they also pay for counseling/therapy. If that\'s not an option try checking into seeing if there are any free clinics in your area. Also there may be fuel assistance available to help out with the costs of heating your home. If they should deny you, you can always appeal the decision. It\'s worth a try. Meanwhile i hope that things improve for you. I think the world of you and I\'m wishing you the best. Take care (((((((((hugs & love))))))))))
deleted_user
deleted_user

I had the same thoughts as you the other day. I was having a horrible day, but today is a little better. I too often feel trapped bby my circumstances, especially when I have my Ortho Dr. tell me how great I healed. Keep on keeping on and remember that if you had died you would have left your kids with you husband.
Misred
Misred

You are overwhelmed. It\'s normal to want the best of the best for your family and to feel worthless when you feel as though you can\'t do anything about it. Vent and post on here. Yes we all have our own troubles, but sometimes it helps to hear about a brother or sister struggling too then you begin to feel blessed instead of worthless. That\'s what support is all about, a hand up....an encouraging word...advice or just hearing what other\'s have tried.

Sending prayers to heaven for you and your family
deleted_user
deleted_user

I don\'t think I could have said it any better than Amunzo......It\'s gonna be ok...just keep putting one foot in front of the other even just for the kids! One day they will leave the nest and things will be less expensive, but in the meantime they are counting on you, and one day they will know who was there for them,and U can take pride in knowing you raised your kids up yourself! I think you should check into the things Amunoz mentioned above b/c it may help out! The kids shouldn\'t have to miss appts....OR you! Hugging you hon!