AS (WHITESNAKE) WOULD SAY : HERE I GO AGAIN

WELL AS A POPULAR BAND ONCE QUOTED (HERE I GO AGAIN)....I HAVE BEEN SO LONELY AND DEPRESSED OFF IN MY OWN LITTLE HELL I HAVENT BEEN WRITEING IN MY JOURNAL OR BEEN ONLINE MUCH.THINGS HAVE NOT CHANGED ANY FOR ME OBVIOUSLY AND I KNOW ITS MY FAULT BECAUSE I AM THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO CHANGE THINGS.MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE....ONE DAY I FEEL POSITIVE AND WANT TO MAKE CHANGES AND THEN SOME DAYS I BARELY WANT TO GET OUT OF BED....ITS STRANGE THAT EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE FUNCTIONING AROUND ME AND DOESNT NOTICE OR CARE THAT I AM FALLING APART INSIDE....IT SEEMS ALL I DO IS TAKE KIDS HERE AND THERE AND LISTEN TO THEM ARGUE FROM MORNING TILL NIGHT.HUBBY(ASSHOLE) JUST KEEPS COMEING AND GOING WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD..I ON THE OTHER HAND HAVE THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD ON MY SHOULDERS.I AM VERY STRESSED ABOUT NOT HAVEING MONEY FOR SCHOOL CLOTHES AND AM ALREADY WORRYING ABOUT WINTER AND AFFORDING HEAT .....I MIGHT AS WELL BE A HUNDRED YEARS  OLD BECAUSE THATS HOW I FEEL...HOPELESS,LONELY AND JUST PLAIN TIRED...MY DAUGHTER WENT BACK FOR ANOTHER CHECK UP FROM HER SURGERY AND NOW THEY ARE AFRAID OF INFECTION FROM THE BONE GRAPH.THEY PUT HER ON STRONG MEDS AGAIN AND A CREAM TO MAKE SURE THINGS DONT GET WORSE...I HAVE NO GAS MONEY TO GET TO BADLY NEEDED DOCTORS APPTS FOR ME AND MY KIDS....I KEEP RESCHEDULEING AND AM SICK OF THE OFFICES GIVEING ME A BUNCH OF SHIT OVER THINGS I CANNOT HELP.I JUST WANT MY JOB AND MY LIFE BACK..............I CANNOT TAKE THIS KIND OF LIFE ANYMORE..I SHOULD HAVE DIED IN THAT CAR ACCIDENT...I DONT HAVE ANY FRIENDS ANYMORE AND NO ONE TO TALK TO..PEOPLE ON HERE JUST ARENT THE SAME ANYMORE.I REALIZE EVERYONE HAS THIER OWN ISSUES AND CANT HANDLE SOMEONE WHINEING  ALL THE TIME LIKE I SEEM TO DO ANYMORE.EVERYTIME I SET GOALS FOR MYSELF AND SAY TOMMAROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY I SEEM TO DO WORSE...I DONT WANT TO BE LONELY ANYMORE....I NEED COMPANIONSHIP ,UNDERSTANDING ,FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE......I USED TO TAKE PRIDE IN BEING A MOTHER NOW I AM HAVEING A HARD TIME DEALING WITH EVERYTHING AND FEEL LIKE A FAILURE...I JUST WANT TO DISSAPPEAR......