As usual, confused, angered, ???

Well, as usual, i am very confused still.  I keep running thoughts through my head, like; "why did she leave like she normally does, arent you supposed to stay for better or for worse?" or "Does she not care about my thoughts or feelings, she is using my kids as a weapon against me."  or "Is the look she displayed yesterday false?" or "Does she want to work this out at all ever?" or "Does she even know how much i care and how much i am doing, not trying? or will she ever."  Thoughts like that drive me nuts.   I can never figure out why my head does this all the time.  I try to calm myself down, and lately have succeded, however the thoughts keep running.  I miss her and my boys so much.  I have accomplished so much lately and want to keep accomplishing.  I am just so confused sometimes.  Lately, i cannot help think that it is truly over, but at the same time, that there is a chance like there was before.  She still has not talked to me other then utter a few words.  I would love nothing more than to sit and talk over dinner or coffee with her.  I also would love to go to counseling finally with her.  I actually feel so much better about myself lately.  On the flip side of that coing, i do feel bad because of what i have done.  I was not there, i was not the best husband, i was not the best father, i did not listen.  I continually pray for gods guidance down the path that he has led me to.  It is hard sometimes, but i know god is truly with me. Today's bible study group was about 'vows.'  Even though the message was more biblical, in vows to god, i could not help but think about the vows that i made to sarah, in front of god and everybody.  I did  vow to love, honor, cherish, and take care of, and i did not follow through with that lately.  I only hope that sarah soon realizes that i am for real and have changed for the long haul.  I hope she sees it, and isnt told it either. Please, anybody reading this, continue to pray for me and Sarah.   Also pray for my littel boys.  I love and miss my family so much.