As Good As A Time As Any

No need for me to continue putting off journaling. I'm aware of all the benefits. It's just something I never stuck with. It'd be a great outlet for keeping track of my mood swings.

As I lay here unable to sleep, this is perfect timing. As the days pass, I have so much time for self-reflection. I never expected things to get this heavy. I'm still in awe.

The repetitive thoughts. The worries. The overthinking. The low self-esteem. It's a lot. All I wish for every day is to get back to a healthier place. Seems so far off.

Racking my brain about when I took this dive. I was going "so well" at one point or so I thought. But, when I dig deeper, I missed all of the warning signs about my behavior and thought patterns. I wasn't equipped and I still am not.

Time literally flies when you have nothing going for yourself. Every single day is just like the last and like the next. Disappointing. Half of March is gone and I have nothing to show for it.

Time to start stressing about April's bills and I just finished March. Sad. Wish I had it in me to make things better. I'm digging. I'm digging deep and it's hard to find that ounce of interest and drive to get up and do for myself despite it all. I've been faking it for so long.

Depression is so draining and exhausting. I spend time down and out. The other time? I'm resting and recovering from being down and out.

I say this to myself all the time, 'I can't wait til I look back on all this and can say 'look how far I've come.''