Argh I cant take this no more
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr the biting is getting worse today yesterday and monday i have this huge bruise covering my left arm im worried because my fathers side of the family has this problem not just me. some of my aunts and uncles are in psychowards from this problem but mine is not for suicidal reasons Im used to physical pain than emotional pain. Brielles is no better her right arm is covered in bruises. shes starting now with her left because she bruised the whole right arm. This happened to me a couple of times where I bite my whole left arm till is completely bruised then I move to my right but brielle does it soooooooooo often me its when im depressed im quitting the knife i havnt touched one yet its been a long time since i touched one. Im tired of this I bite my left arm then I hide it so no one notices its embarrassing. Im a failure as a person Im a failure to my mother she even says it about me. but she doesnt know I bite myself I hide it good. i have a hard time talking about it. today thismorning i wore a tank top so the bruises were clearly noticable but she didnt notice it lucky me. this is my next goal stop biting myself i have to learn to deal with emotions grrrrrrr but its hard. The tenent lectured me again dont know why but as defiant as i am it went in one ear and out the other I wont let people lecture me if they do I wont listen heck I never do. If i were to say somthing to the person I say FUCK YOU ASSHOLE or FUCK YOU CUNT or FUCK YOU BITCH I do say those words sometimes to people who tell me what to do I wouldnt mind my man telling me what to do because I love him. I respect him. I miss him right now hes in hospital with his mom because shes in coma. Cancer is FUCKING EVIL!!!!!!! today i bit myself because im worried about his mom shes dying. I thought I was talking to him on yahoo instant messenger today but it was his sister Natalie so yes I was scared I dont know her I was shy. she tried to get into a conversation with me i tried to talk to her little success i did until i had to go to physical therapy i talked to her for maybe two or three minutes.