April 9,2012

I just joined you i'm hoping to find a place where i can be honest without being judged where i can tell my story to and be understood. Here's my thing- i was assualted by my father almost a year ago it was fathers day i was visiting him and he made me do things i reported him and now they are bringing charges against him the thing is i have all these questions in my head wondering why? when did i stop being his little girl and becoming the object of his sexual desire? now i have gone through all my memories and now i question every one of them,did i ever truly know him at all? I keep having nightmares about it and well it is alot like a death only he is still breathing i may have to go to court and i am afraid only i know that by speaking up i may well have saved another person from going through this he did mention that he didn't want to go kidnap a girl and rape her;he manipulated me, since i have a mental health issue i couldn't see what he was up to.others tried to tell me but i trusted him he was my father,now i feel that i was stupid not to see and i hate the idea that i was so blind.keeps me wondering about my decision making.this hurts so bad he was the one person i felt closest to after my grandmother passed in 1989 then lost my mom in 2001how could he do this to me?