april 7th

sorting today out:

awake. check

showered. check

dishes done. check

laundry going. check.

bedroom vacuumed. check.

took meds.  no food til after doc visit.  check.

what else?  trash in trunk, walmart item set to return to store w/receipt. check

what to wear.....working on it.

it's a chilly windy 48 degrees in hotlanta.  brisk and cold for us spoiled southern baby chicks.

i haven't worn a coat yet all these wintery months, so uh huh, spoiled.  i grew up in the midwest with heavy snowfall, wind chill factors......so this is glorious living.  and yet even the spoiled can find reasons to complain......cause we're all peoples. and complaining is hard wired maybe?  maybe.......

after cancelling doc appointments recently i feel it is my duty to get my bones in to the doc's office.  so that is the official plan.

i will be glad to get finished and be back home.  i've been fighting with myself on several issues. 

since the accident i am more reluctant to get behind the wheel of sweet "Geez" to go anywhere.  (the silver geezermobile that matches my hair......lol!) i have to push to get over it, but since i haven't been up to getting out much at all these past how many weeks since 2/28......it's slow to take.  i find myself staring into the rear view mirror intently, praying and willing the driver to stop but not really believing his/her foot is on the brake pedal.  gotta get past this.......

no word from the insured as yet re: the accident.  i was very behind on getting paperwork to them but it still worries me to not hear from anyone, not my agent, and not theirs.  last heard state farm (their insu.) said they had not heard from the girl's father regarding the accident.  at that point it had been several weeks since i had opened the claim.  the insured did not report the accident, which is also concerning to me.  state farm semi suggested that they were investigating whether the girl had permission from the insured to drive the car.......which means they aren't certain if they are responsible or if the girl's dad will be.  from my observation it didn't seem like a father who would let his child drive without insurance coverage.  despite some of the attitude i encountered on scene from this very self involved teen aged girl......the dad seemed all in, their clothing, speech and vehicles all suggested that there was a standard of living that could and would cover their responsibilities.  here i am worrying over things, not exactly trusting and obeying.  it hit me last night how little i have been prayerful........mere lip service to faith isn't helpful.

Lord, I'm lost, sorry for not turning to you in recent weeks.......please forgive me for falling into a big deep worry pit, for not coming to you, for going back to bad habits.....thinking i'm at the helm, when in fact i am truly lost without your love, council, advice, guidance.  sometimes i get sad......extra sad and lose my way.  Lord, i'm not trying to make excuses, i'm trying to admit my humanity, all of it........i promise to turn to you and not turn inward, inward leaves me lost and afraid.  inward leaves me feeling hopeless and unable to manage.  please help me find my way to you daily.......please Lord, and thank you for forgiveness....for loving me........

Our Father, who art in heaven....hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done.....on earth as it is in heaven.......i can't find all the words but my heart is murmuring them in recognition of a need for peace and light.......