april 11,2012

well last night was bad i had a nightmare that my dad was hunting me down trying to kidnap me take me to a country where he sould be able to force me to be his wife and have sex with me whenever he wanted and it was legal i would go from place to place trying to run and there were people who were trying to keep me safe so he was not able to find me but he did and right before i woke up i had just started to fight him and get away from him as he was driving somewhere with me bound up in the back of a van.when i woke up from the dream i immediatly started sobbing i felt as though my heart was being torn from my body my soul cried in the feeling of utter dismay and i walked around for a few hours in my apt just in a daze where i felt kinda numb in disbelief shocked that it was so vivid so real i have not had a good nights sleep in weeks and i am on pills for my Borderline Personality Disorder ptsd anxiety panic attacks and insomnia Depresssion is included in that list so i may have to take a benadryll with my night meds just to try not to dream sometimes i wonder how crazy this is going to drive me and wonder every day when will this get any better just when i think i am making progress it seems that it just reverts back to the begining