apologies to all my friends...
i want to start by saying how sorry i am to all my friends for not being here for you. I have been dealing with an issue that i have been dealing with for what seems like forever. But it actually didnt really start until my midteens. So yeah a good 35 years. A little embarrasing but non the less VERY important to me. Tis my breast size. I am very small. I myself am a small built person but jeeezzz, why do i have to feel like a boy when i'm a woman.... I was what i considered to be a little overweight, 125, i'm 5'1 1/2". So i wanted to lose a little...well i have ended up at 103, a little toooo low. But with my weight along went what little boobs i did have. I now feel much worse than i ever have. I am on Celexa for my depression, and if it werent for this issue i would have to say it works for me. I have wanted breast implants since my early 20z but lacked the funding to do so. I resigned myself to a life of feeling like a little girl. But oh how i long to feel like a woman. I do believe this may be one of the key issues of my depression. I had discussed this issue with my husband 10 yrs ago. He said he was happy with my looks just the way they are and would have no part of paying for a surgury he did not feel i needed. Boom..lower i go. Both my daughters have known how i feel about my chest, but i do not believe they realized how this was hurting me. There is not one small chested woman in my family, not even in my extended family(aunts, neices, grammas), so how could i really expect them to understand. It bothers me to my very core. That is no lie. Sure i continually brought it to my husbands attention of how unwomanly i feel. Well, because of this issue i have not had sex with him for about 3 months if not more...time just goes by. 2 nights ago me, him and my youngest daughter were watching tv, was only around 8 at night, .. they were both on laptops also, i was sitting feelin like a was just in sum kind of cocoon and just wanted to cry... he asked if i wanted icecream with him & tia, i got up said no i'm goin to bed. Asked if i was alright, i said i was feelin a little low and had a headache. I went to our bedroom, sat on the bed an just bawled like a baby, he came in askin what was wrong...i said can we plz start a boob fund for me..we talked for a few and he said he had no idea i was feelin so low about this, said he couldnt understand because hes not the one living with it every day. So he told me to do the research and lets make you feel better. OMG!!!!! I was flabbergasted!!! Finally, after all these yrs of suffering i see a light at the end of the tunnel. So now i am spendin alot of time researching. So much to learn and obsorb...i know this will not happen soon enough for me, i have to patient a little longer... Sorry this is so long but i had to get it off my chest(yes..pun) Again, my friends that have always been there for me, I am so sorry for not being here for you!!!!!!!!!!!
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