anxiously waiting

so i had to give a DNA sample so they can compare it to whatever was on the clothes.waiting to hear from the investigator to let me know what they found.i know he is going to be prosecute him criminally the investigator thinks i wont need to testify cuz they got enough evidence against him.sometimes i wonder how he is doing? is he mad with me? after mom died 2-15-01 he was the only parent and closest person to me. i do miss that sometimes.i just cant seem to resolve these conflicting feelings? every good memory of him in my life is now in question and i feel so alone wanting to make friends and too afraid to at the same time i start therapy soon and i am looking foreward and nervous at the same time.i have to let the pain be felt and work through it. i have not been wanting to.i hope that the pain does not consume me and that is the scariest thing in the world i am faced with-overcoming this will be hard I AM SOO SCARED!!!!!!!