anxious and tired

i cant eat. i am, but it's forced, because i know i have to. i'm so anxious, i can hardly stop shaking sometimes, it's getting pretty bad. i think it's just the new semester. i havent had breakfast or lunch in almost a week and i cant see myself eating anything tomorroe. i guess it wouldn't hurt to loose some weight anyways. i have the worst head ache right now, and i wsh i felt better, but i cant help the way i feel no matter how much i want to feel perfectly fine. i should be happy... i told the girl i'm in love with i'm gay. thats supposed to be a good thing. telling her was one of the hardest thigns i've evr had to do. she litterally had to pull the words fom me because i couldn't speak. she just started guessing and the only thing i could say was... " no guys". i felt like an idiot but she took it so well, i had to smile. it was terriffying and i couldn't stop shaking for the entire day. i'm still panic striken every period before i have to see her. i know now, there's ansolutely no way i could tell her i'm in love with her. i'm just happy i had enough to open up to her about this.  i still dont have my laptop yet so i can hardly visit ds. i dont want my family seeing this. they dont know anythign at all is wrong wit me... well they think something is different about me but they're not going to say anything, it's just the looks on there faces... anyways inb the next week i'll be getting it back and then i'm here again. i'm just so happy to get a momments peice in this house, and to be alone so i can fill out my diary in peice. i'm ont the main computer right now, the desktop that everyone can see all the time, that's why i'm so happy to have my laptop all the time and why i cant wait to get it back. for now no ds, no yuri, nothing that has to do with who i really am...