Anxiety & New York
I didn't write a journal yesterday because I stayed over at my boyfriends house.
Things seem to be looking better in regards to side effects. I did not get any insomnia for now two nights in a row. Here is to hoping that tonight makes it three. Also any constipation seems to have gone away. However I am noticing some of the stomach issues again. I seem to almost always be in some state of stomach upset. Especially when I am hungry.
There seems to be some anxiety, however, as I have a trip coming up to New York on Thursday. I am going to visit my Mom's family with her. I am scared about it because my extended family up there has not seen me in 3 years. The last time they saw me was before my transition to female. Also it was before I got into recovery. I am a completely different person today both inside and out and in many ways I am afraid that they won't recognize me. I am also afraid because my Uncle and Aunt who have 4 boys (my cousins) are not exactly approving of my transition. I think they are afraid that I will pervert their children and make them gay or something. I have no idea. But the idea of facing that is terrifying.
Thankfully, I can say that I think I am handling things a lot better than I would normally. Without the anxiety meds that I am on I would be a mess right now. Instead, while I am scared, it isn't effecting me all that much. I wouldn't trade the meds for anything at this point, but they aren't perfect. It could just be that this is situational anxiety and once it is behind me I will go right back to being more relaxed. I hope so.
Also - I suspect even more now that what I experienced on Sunday was an episode. The behavior that triggered that last time didn't trigger it again last night, and I could distinctly feel the difference.
Things seem to be looking better in regards to side effects. I did not get any insomnia for now two nights in a row. Here is to hoping that tonight makes it three. Also any constipation seems to have gone away. However I am noticing some of the stomach issues again. I seem to almost always be in some state of stomach upset. Especially when I am hungry.
There seems to be some anxiety, however, as I have a trip coming up to New York on Thursday. I am going to visit my Mom's family with her. I am scared about it because my extended family up there has not seen me in 3 years. The last time they saw me was before my transition to female. Also it was before I got into recovery. I am a completely different person today both inside and out and in many ways I am afraid that they won't recognize me. I am also afraid because my Uncle and Aunt who have 4 boys (my cousins) are not exactly approving of my transition. I think they are afraid that I will pervert their children and make them gay or something. I have no idea. But the idea of facing that is terrifying.
Thankfully, I can say that I think I am handling things a lot better than I would normally. Without the anxiety meds that I am on I would be a mess right now. Instead, while I am scared, it isn't effecting me all that much. I wouldn't trade the meds for anything at this point, but they aren't perfect. It could just be that this is situational anxiety and once it is behind me I will go right back to being more relaxed. I hope so.
Also - I suspect even more now that what I experienced on Sunday was an episode. The behavior that triggered that last time didn't trigger it again last night, and I could distinctly feel the difference.
Replies