Anxiety alien
It’s wild, I’m getting in touch with my anxiety big time. I’m nearly always anxious and tired. I don’t 'work out' regularly because there’s so much mental healing going on and then the thoughts of physicality feels abusive.
It’s ok. Maybe I hope to learn what works and find a piece of peace to guide me.
As you guys know I have a difficult time understanding my feelings. I decided to rest on one of the church's coffee room's sofa. Rather than just be lost in the anxiety that was freezing me in place (walking up to my room seemed too much too) I decided to think about myself as one among many here. It calmed me down and I started to nap and dream. Thinking of myself as one of many here gave me a sense of contribution. Everyone is contributing something here towards the greater life of this/our community. Being lost in anxiety just takes away all agency and freezes me near solid and stationary.. I am glad I could adjust my focus to that.
We're all experiencing some anxiety here at church and keeping on keeping it going.
i feel calmer now and less alien.
Replies
Big hug sweetie
If you want some exercize but not to overdo it what about just going for a 15-20 minute walk?
Exercize can get help get rid of anxiety and I know you love coffee
Caffeine can be a huge culprit as a cause for anxiety
I went to an inservice once given by a pdoc that specialized in anxiety and he said the first thing he asked every patient was what is their caffeine intake
I'm glad that you were able to take a nap sweetie...xo
Thanks Janet, caffeine is definitely something to regulate. I usually have one or two cups of coffee a day. Lots of water and herbal tea..
it's the end of a longish day. I decided to come back to my room instead of doing the last service.
I was feeling really beat up today when I went to meal prep. Selfless to the work - and not knowing why
I couldn't just do it as seemingly everyone else was doing it. I mean I did a fine job, I just was miserable
at least until I realized we were all submitting ourselves for the good of the work which needed to get done.
I felt good about being present and not 'weaseling out and leaving early' to have a rest before services.
I was happy with my outlook and the way I did the work. THIS gave me a positive feeling about things. I did my job
well.
So, then I went to services. I conducted them. I found myself questioning things while I was saying the prayers.
I think it was at that moment that I didn't quite understand why I was feeling badly again- there seemed to
be some fight in me about doing them the way I was 'supposed to' (much like my attitude at the outset of meal prep)
and the way I sincerely felt. I found the marriage of the two outlooks in saying the prayers the way I wanted to
but with respect for the subject matter. Another win! I felt energized! A sense of ego perhaps? A sense of self satisfaction?
It's healthy to have some of that??!!!?
Now I am back in the room and I'm picking stuff apart mentally - but I just wanted to write this down before I forgot it.
Blue needs me and I need him too. There was a rain storm an hour ago- and he FREAKS OUT from the thunder and rain.
Make room for doing things that way you want to but doing with cognition and respect! My Dame Edna message for the day! :)
I agree that being a part of a community, such as yours, can bring a sense of fulfillment and peace.
In a strange way, I experienced something similar when I lived in a homeless shelter for 6 months. I was in charge of breakfast, which meant cracking and stirring over 100 eggs for scrambled eggs! Lol (among other things)
But I was part of the community of people who lived there and we all had responsibilities.
But you're right, of course - you have to make room for You, somewhere in there. Like with your prayers.
I'm glad you have such a good place to be! (in spite of some nuns, lol)
a piece of peace to guide me?
hmmmmm. . . here i thought peace was a sign that i have been listening to cosmic guidance. just thinking. . .
a quality of my own anxiety is that it is always there, no matter where i am or what i am doing. listening for that cosmic guidance is becoming my most effective anxiety management tool.
for what it's worth
my latest favorite prayer for anxiety
dear god i am so sorry
for always being so sorry
for the constant doubt
that leads me to pout
over lessons i have yet to learn
Thank you GT and Arfie! Have a beautiful night!