Anxious
Day 3 of 365 - Man Break
Today was filled with a lot of household chores, dishes, sweeping, laundry and grocery shopping as well as driving my kids to their various destinations. Everyday, routine stuff. Which bores me and overwhelms me at the same time. There never seems to be enough time in the day and everything is on my shoulders: raising two kids and hoping they will turn out okay, the inside work, the outside work, a full-time job, extracurricular activities for the kids. Not many breaks since I don't have a great support system and the children's father is not in the picture.
These are the times when I long for someone else. Someone else can tell my son why violent shows aren't appropriate for his age. Someone else help my daughter when she is feeling overwhelmed. Someone else to do the laundry. Someone else to drive someone somewhere. Someone else to take this tremendous burden off my shoulders.
Or at the very least someone to help me escape. To put their arms around me and make me feel better for once. Someone to support me. Someone to say: I got this tonite you go take a bath".
It is this vulnerabilty ... this longing that gets me into trouble every time and I let anyone who gives me a smile in. I ignore all the red flags, the dangerous behaviour, the downright shitty behavior and try to fit myself around that person so that he will not leave me. A sort of desperate quest to ease my anxiety.
It doesn't work though. It just ends up causes me more stress. I have to find a better way. A way to give myself the breaks that I need.
Today was filled with a lot of household chores, dishes, sweeping, laundry and grocery shopping as well as driving my kids to their various destinations. Everyday, routine stuff. Which bores me and overwhelms me at the same time. There never seems to be enough time in the day and everything is on my shoulders: raising two kids and hoping they will turn out okay, the inside work, the outside work, a full-time job, extracurricular activities for the kids. Not many breaks since I don't have a great support system and the children's father is not in the picture.
These are the times when I long for someone else. Someone else can tell my son why violent shows aren't appropriate for his age. Someone else help my daughter when she is feeling overwhelmed. Someone else to do the laundry. Someone else to drive someone somewhere. Someone else to take this tremendous burden off my shoulders.
Or at the very least someone to help me escape. To put their arms around me and make me feel better for once. Someone to support me. Someone to say: I got this tonite you go take a bath".
It is this vulnerabilty ... this longing that gets me into trouble every time and I let anyone who gives me a smile in. I ignore all the red flags, the dangerous behaviour, the downright shitty behavior and try to fit myself around that person so that he will not leave me. A sort of desperate quest to ease my anxiety.
It doesn't work though. It just ends up causes me more stress. I have to find a better way. A way to give myself the breaks that I need.
Replies
I think part of the problem is that you do not have a good support system in place. I really think that is what makes all the difference for me. I have SO many 3D friends that I can count on.
I guess it is a catch-22. You are so busy being a single mom, how can you cultivate good, norishing friendships. The things that you are seeking from a SO can be found in community. I know several single mothers and they get by with a little help from their friends ;)
You are absolutely right Susy. My family isn\'t very helpful and since I\'ve been on this soul searching journey I have let a lot of my friends go as they were as toxic as my relationships! So yeah, I have to build a network of friends who ARE supportive. A little hard to do when you are older and busy but if there\'s a will there\'s a way right?