Anticipation
It's a little over 24 hours until Jennifer was born....August 18th, 1977 - a day that was celebrated simply (my daughter's wishes) but such a happy day, changing my life forever. One of my close friends asked me to go to dinner and have a drink for "Jen"..... that doesn't feel right. Jennifer did not drink and to have a drink or toast or whatever to her just isn't something we ever did in her 36 years.....Souplantation was a favorite place to go for lunch or dinner so we would usually go there for dinner, give her a card with $$$, a hug and a kiss and that was her birthday...sometimes my mom would come but Jennifer never wanted a "big to do".....So I think Monday eve after work, 2 close friends and myself will go to Souplantation for dinner and remember Jennifer......just like we did in years past. I will take flowers to the cemetery...SIGH...Still can't believe it! DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT.
You all survived your child's birthday as I will too....just like Gina says... I.feel like such a downer - in the midst of being thankful for what I do have, I'm so frickin sad most of the time...just a fake front....BREATHE....
PS - the photos of the retreat were wonderful.....
You all survived your child's birthday as I will too....just like Gina says... I.feel like such a downer - in the midst of being thankful for what I do have, I'm so frickin sad most of the time...just a fake front....BREATHE....
PS - the photos of the retreat were wonderful.....
Replies
((((((((((((((((((((HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR DAUGHTER))))))))))))))) MY DAUGHTERS BIRTHDAY WAS FRIDAY 8/8/1961. I ALWAYS FEEL SO DEPRESSED . I,AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND UNDERSTAND HOW YOU ALSO FEEL I HAVE BEEN THERE BLESS YOUR ANGEL HUGS MARY ANN
Birthdays are very, very hard and that includes YOUR birthday.
The plan you\'ve made sounds wonderful. We are all, everything in existence, given \"one life\" in this place. In terms of Humanity, sometimes that life is quite short, and sometimes very very long. But each life has its own journey and when that journey is completed, that soul has finished the race. Yes, there is a God. Yes, there is another \'place\' after \"this\" one, I\'ve seen it. We don\'t know what God ultimately does with the great evil doers such as the serial killers, the Stalins, the Hitlers.....but I can tell you this much: the rest of us face a path that will bring us into the most beautiful \"place\", so beautiful we can\'t fully even imagine it nor can those of us who have seen a glimpse describe it. People ask me, what did Mary look like (I had an NDE at age five) and I can\'t tell them except for two things: the liquid glow and the voice like a thousand song birds, like the wind in the trees, like the greatest symphony in the world. Oh yes, she was with me, she still is. And God is with you, as well as (I believe) helpers, some in Human form inspired by Him to say and do certain things at certain times, others less visible, but there.
She had a birth day. She ran the race. She finished the journey. Celebrate her life however you can. But hold on to this one true thing: she is not GONE, she is CHANGED. I will keep you in my prayers tomorrow.
Understanding the anticipation and it is generally harder than the actual day for most of us. I know that it is for me.
I think your plan feels just right for you and I know without a doubt our children feel and know our hearts no matter how the day unfolds.
Each year I find myself in a different place on this path so I believe that how we honor our Douglas changes too. Today we will head to the ocean, last year I was baking a peach cobbler for our family to enjoy as that is what he loved, the year before that we were in the mountains camping... The only reason that I share this is to let you know that whatever you do is what it needs to be... Trust in that.
My thoughts and prayers are with you dear Vicki and our babies just one day a part...
Loving care,
XO Joanie
I think your plan sounds like a perfect way to honor Jennifer. As Joanie said, the anticipation is usually worse than the actual day. And each year can be different. What stays the same is that it sucks and we forever will yearn for our child. We each find our own way with the help of each other. Wishing you a gentle day. Sue xo
I think August is just a bad month for so many of us. 23 years ago I was thinking, \"Wait a minute, I was supposed to be in labor right now.\"...Everyone says it will get better so we have to believe that...really, what other choice do we have???
Happy Birthday to you both..like I keep chanting..it was a day that involved you both. I am praying for you ..love, Lauri
Just sent you a note thinking of you, Hugs, Kathy
I think of you and your beautiful Jennifer today, my friend. Gentle hugs! xxx