Another Year Without Him....

January 8, 2012:  I haven't been on here for quite some time.  Today, however, I felt compelled.  I hope everyone had a "good", or at least peaceful, holiday.
Life continues to move in a forward motion.  I continue to feel stuck in 2007 quite often.  On the other hand, there have been more sorrows and joy.  LIFE!
Four and one half years since Scott died....it seems like a minute and like forever.  Sometimes I am "okay", sometimes I am not.  I continue to take one breath at a time, most of the time.  Other times I am good for a day.  Even after this long, I find grief can grab me by the throat and bring me to my knees. 
On the up side, I am enjoying being a Grandma.  "My" Natalie is eighteen months old now.  She is such a joy.  And, in many ways, she reminds me of Scott.
On the down side, my son, Natalie's dad, is struggling just to get to see her.  The courts are still not that favorable toward the father.  And, my youngest son is struggling.  He has had many issues the past several months.  So, I am still just tired.  I still don't get how a person can try to do the right thing and get so much "stuff" to deal with.  It frustrates me.
In any case, I am hoping for a better year.  And, I wish everyone who is reading a better, and peaceful, year, too.

Replies

KellyLee105
KellyLee105

Ginger it was so nice to see you on here this morning. I have missed you, I think of you and Scott quite often..I hope you get to see your little grandchild Natalie..Why does life problems have to be so hard?!?!ugh.. My heart is soooo with you my friend..I\'ll pray for you and your family for a better New Year, in 2012...Love & Hugs, Kelly
JerryJsMom
JerryJsMom

I\'m so glad you stopped by to check in. I\'ve thought of you often and wondered how you are doing. So sorry to hear of the family troubles you are plagued with. Yes, life ... it rarely goes as we would like. There has been many changes here since we last touched base. But, like you, life continues to move in a forward direction. It\'s a lot calmer here at least. Please do stay in touch with us. Sending healing love your way, my friend. ~ Adrianne
rcoco
rcoco

May your year be blessed as well...I am sorry to hear of your son\'s problems with visitation. Dedicated fathers are rare in my world, I would have given anything if my children could have had caring fathers in their lives.
We never get to know \"why\", we just get to pick up the pieces and limp forward.
You described the path so well, one day we are okay, and the next day we can spiral back into those raw memories that truly do take us to our knees.
Wishing you the best in 2012!
Hugs, Rebecca
ter1
ter1

Wishing you a better year, and the same for all of us here on FMO. Sending love, Terry
biowoman
biowoman

It is always so good to hear from you. I am right there with you about the okay alternating with the knees collapsing...it will be 5 years in May for me....cannot believe it. And, you know...it seems like we should have had \"enough\" and that there should not be any other life struggles. But that does not seem to be the way it is...life is full of drama. Take care of you and come whenever you can...love and hugs...Karen
BinkyH
BinkyH

Hi Ginger, nice to hear from you. You sure described this road so well...One moment I can be thinking about how amazed I am that I am doing so well and then all of a sudden, have a complete meltdown. As much as we thought life could never go on in the beginning, the world did keep spinning. Slowly, we learned how to smile again. Hugs, Belinda
RememberKala
RememberKala

So good to hear from you my friend. I can certainly understand so much of what you say...the same goes for me. 5 years now...how can that be! And yes, it feels like 5 minutes and like 5 lifetimes ago. LIFE! You said it! Up, down, happy, sad, frustrating, exciting...LIFE! I can only imagine what being a grandma is like...it must be amazingly wonderful. I also have a son who continues to struggle in his human experience. All I know to do in that area is to realize and accept that even though I gave birth to him, his life is his to live and I cannot control any of it. Though his experiences affect me because I love him, they are his to experience and not truly mine. It\'s hard though...gosh, it\'s so hard! I hope for the best for your sons as they continue doing all they are capable of to enrich their lives and find their joy and peace. I wish the same for you my friend...joy and peace. Keep hanging in there sweet friend, hugs, Teri.