ANOTHER YEAR OLDER!

Thurs., 9-11-08:  Well, it is the night before my birthday.  I don't get it.  Why am I here and my son not?!??!  I get so angry & frustrated about that!  I would trade my life for his at any given moment! I am trying to stay on the upper side of dark.  It is hard.  I went over to my mom's today to pick up the gift she insisted on.  She gave me money for AAA insurance 'cause she worries about me on the road.  She also gave me two T-tops and money for new jeans.  YEA!   It is so sweet of her to even think of my birthday when she has so much going on herself. My sister broke her ankle this week.  We don't get along well, but I don't wish her pain or ill will.  She is 10 years younger and said a horrible, awful, thing on her MySpace blog after Scott died.  I haven't had much to do with her, since.  Adam got a job working for a friend of mine.  However, he had to call in sick today.  He is sooooo puny.  Head "stuff".  Achy, stuffy, icky!  I feel so bad for him. We went to a Farm Bureau meeting tonight.  It was so boring.  But, the meal was free and my father-in-law won a door prize.  It was a scarlet colored Mum, which he gave to me.  That was nice.  I won one last year. On Sat., we are going to Craig's employee picnic.  It is supposed to rain.  I guess we will go anyway.  About 22 years ago I was in charge of that picnic.  It will be interesting to see how it has changed and maybe to see some old co-workers.  Of course, 22 years ago I was young and thin.  Not so much, now.  Maybe they aren't, either.  Work is okay.  It just wears me out.  And, I am in a sort of limbo place right now.  I am fighting everyday to stay out of the dark place.  That takes a lot of energy!  These are rough months coming up.  Scott's birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, etc.  I am trying my best to prepare for all of it.