Another Year
Hello Sisters of my Heart - I find myself here because who else really understands? Christmas Eve was great spent with HUnter. I had won a GoPro Basket @ work so Hunter got a GoPro...yay!! He was in a good mood (for a 16y/o) and I love being around him as I see his mom and somehow I feel she is right beside me. Anyway, Christmas Day was spent @ Jim's daughter's house with 3 grandkids - dinner was good, company good but very exhausting...woke up 12/26 with a lighter heart, brighter mood because I don't have to pretend this is the happiest time of year for me...
I have been crying all morning because Carrie Fisher & Debbie Reynolds touched my heart....Oh how I know the heartache of Debbie losing her daugher. I didn't know they lived next door to each other...I saw an interview that Debbie with tears in her eyes said, her daughter struggled and she just wanted her happy and she couldn't fix it for Carrie...I so felt that statement - I so wanted Jennifer to be happy and not struggle with her demons.....To go the day after.....oh part of me says - Debbie is lucky to be with her daughter and she doesn't have to deal with life without her daughter - but the other part of me says, keep going, there's things to be done here....I'm a different person now and like the new me, even though others don't.
My heart is sad for the Fisher family but I so understand a mother & daughter.....SIGH
Jim & I decided not to go to Arizona this week - instead we are working on our place in the desert. The weather is fabulous @ 75, clear and breezy. I didn't have the energy to go to Arizona this week so I'm so glad to be close to home.....We have had a few disagreements and once again I found myself saying - just listen, you can't fix it, SIGH......
Grateful for you all and always keep you close to my heart....(((((hugs)))) Vicki, Jennifer's mom.
Replies
Oh my goodness...I had the same feeling...how lucky Debbie Reynolds was to pass so soon after her daughter!!! She doesn't have all these years to wait...I didn't know they lived side-by-side either.
I can certainly understand her wanting to take the pain away from her daughter, Cassi had so much pain in her short life. Everyone is so sad about it, and Carrie Fisher WAS young, but I envy Debbie.
Our mantra is "You can't fix it". Joe sounds angry when he is worried about me so it makes it worse. It is hard to put on a happy face when we all we can think about is the person who is no longer here.
It was a shock to hear that Debbie died the day after Carrie. They are indeed together. I guess their work on this earth was done. There have been many times when I wished mine had been as well. But we hang in for the rest of our families. I have to believe there is a reason that I'm here and Lisa isn't.
Wishing you love and peace in 2017. Tight hugs, M
I
Hi Vicki, Glad you got through Christmas ok & that you got to spend Christmas Eve with Hunter. He is such a special young man! I'm sure that visiting with him can brighten any day! I hope you have a Happy New Year & enjoy your time away from work. Love & Hugs to you & your beloved Jennifer always from Charlie's mom, Donna
Grateful to hear that you navigated Christmas as gently as you did and that you knew what was best for you this week. Staying close to home sounds just right.
I felt the same way reading about Debbie Reynolds... Deepest of sighs...
May we all ease into 2017 as best as we can and feel our children beside us every step of the way.
Hand in hand, Heart to heart to Jennifer's mom from Douglas and me,
XO Joanie
I am always amazed when I cross the threshold of another holiday season and new year...who would have thought that I not only survived, but am starting to florish...always missing my son and the way my life was, but also relishing my new life...and trying not to feel guilty about the moments of joy that are starting to fill my void areas...love is the mender for sure.
Gentle care in the new year
AnnM
Hi Vicki, I agree, i think we all relate to Debbie Reynolds and her desire to be with her daughter. We understand all too well how leaving this world with them makes sense. Its a wonder any of us here at FMO survived our broken hearts. Poor Debbie Reynolds at 84 learning that her dear daughter had died...at 84 it must have been too much to take. A doctor on TV said there is a direct correlation between Carrie ' s passing and the onset of Debbie ' s stroke. She said at such profound moments of stress the body produces too much cortisol (bad hormone) and that probably triggered the fatal stroke. As the doctor said, "In effect, a broken heart." They're telling us? Oh how we know, we've lived it. I remember when I got the phone call that Eddie had died, I got an immediate chest pain that lasted about 3 months. I went to the doctor to get some Ativan right after Eddie passed just so I could sleep a little & the doctor insisted on doing an EKG because I had explained I had some chest pain. I remember saying to her that an EKG is a good precaution but that it will probably be normal. That what I was suffering from probably won't show up because what I have is a broken heart. After the EKG was done & deemed normal, my doctor said, "I agree. Diagnosis is a broken heart." I was 54. Had I been 84 maybe I would not have survived either but I'm glad I did. Ed's kids needed me just as Hunter needs you.♡
So glad you got to have some time with Hunter and isn't it a gift to see our child in our grandchild? Josh and Christina are grown now. Josh looks so much like Ed.
Such a blessing to have Ed's kids around. My heart goes out to the moms whose child had passed before having kids. Another layer of loss. It's all just horrible.
May your new year be gentle and blessed with many winks from Jennifer. Loving you and your dear daughter, Linda