Another week has ended
I start my two 12 hour shifts tonight and I think where has the time went to???? Seeems like no sooner than I finish up work I am back again. Has time really changed or am I more aware of it? The older I get the more it seems to pass by, seems like it should be the other way around for some reason. The crazy women is still in the hospital. I have tried to talk to the matron in not takng her back because she just upset the whole place there has to be a better place for her to go. Since she owns the private nursing home she can really say we don't want her back. Well not that we would get anybody better coming in her place, you always get rid of one crazy and a another one appears. Sorry I guess I should say with mental heath issues. We are just not the right place for her, we are not helping her....End of story. Hope everyone is doing good and not letting life and sorrow get them down....There is something else. After I mention this you might think I am one of the crazies...LOL But I use to think of this area in my mind that I would go to when things got really bad for me. It can be anything at all. The safe place I called it. It was a osasis, with a whilte sandy beach lots of palm trees, nice blue crystal clear water, with mountains , rainbow and a raft I use to float on. I can picure everything in my head, but the rainbow has gone. I haven't gone to that place for along time, because during the time my daughter died I thought I would never come back. But I thought it was time I revisited my safe place. The rainbow represented happiness for me everytime I looked at it I would feel happiness. I am working on trying to get it back. The only way I know is to make myself happy and maybe it might return. So I think this week I am going to start a list of things that make me happy and start doing them. How does that sound for Ms looney toons here???? Fuuny thing here is I haven't even thought about my safe place until I had a dream that had the rock group osasis in my dream. Khristy was also in the dream, she was driving the car that belong to my parents, There was alot more but I won't bore you with my dreams. I was talking over my dream with my partner Peter and he happen to mention remember your safe place you told me about and that's how I remembered and went back there and the rainbow was gone. Have a Happy Week Everyone
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On the journey through grief, yours is still fairly new. Your daughter had only been gone 2 years. My youngest son, Paul, also died from an accidental drug overdose, of alcohol, and way too much pain killer. I though the second year was harder than the first for me. The first year you wre still so shocked, and so much dazed by the unbelievably that has happened to you, then when that 2nd. year is there, it is really hitting you hard. They have been gone so long, and you know it will be like that forever. My older son,Steven has only been dead for 10 months.He was 38. Now I have also lost my sweet step daughter,Karla in Aug 08. She was 33 and died from a gunshot accident. I am in several states of grieff, but they are all just somehow mixed together. It seems that each loss brought back the other, and left and even bigger hole in my life and heart. I have a wonderful,supportive husband, and each, of them, Paul, Steven,and Karla left 2 children behind. My family as well as them have kept me going. God, Family, and friends. I would not be here if not for those 3. I am so very sorry for your loss. I never had a daughterrrrr. I do have the grand daughters, though, and they are so special. So diffrent from my sons were. I wish I could comfort you, but I understand that there is no way to. I care for you and I care for your feelings, I will be here if I can help you in anyway, by what I have experienced, I will gladly share it. I will try to share your pain. My prayers and love, Peggy grndmudder@aol.com
Not loony at all. Visualization is good for all. I go to the shore, with my back against a large piece of drift wood and listen to the sound of the waves and the cry of the gulls and can feel the sun on my skin. So if you loony me too. Love and hug Cathy