another pretty pathetic entry
Been a while since I last entered an entry on here...kinda like going to confession after an extended period, though I guess it is the same feeling as if it were the case,, and if I were a Catholic ,,,or maybe not !!!..This guy I know in my AA program had what I had and fell out in which an ambulance had to be called during a meeting ,,,his situation in many respects mirrors my situation almost to a "T"..It turns out he had a mini-stroke, a TIA and by accounts he was not taking his medication (much the same as me before I had mine,,but in my case it lacked consistancy and therefore made the process pretty useless and so it seemed both of us suffered an inevidiable fate,,,,He is still in hospital though stable and soon will be discharged,,,now as to whether he will deal with taking his prescription,,,well that is another matter,,,I know that I do,,,despite some stomach and other side affects ..which come and go,,,
For some strange reason I seem to be encountering more and more people that are in my exact situation or pretty damn close to it ,,,not sure if it is a coincidence or I am just being more and more aware of the stories that I am hearing all about me ,,,(not about ME !! ,,but the world around me that is).
My sleeping schedule is all screwed up and I have pretty much given up on trying to correct it ,,and allow it to take its own course,,,,I should like to at least get to the point of getting to the 9:30a meeting on a consistent schedule,,that is a hard thing to work out given my current problem at night,,,
I also seem to be replaying the plot of the movie GROUNDHOG DAY ,, not in the same exact manner,, but the days seem to follow a similiar very familiar path with little alteration,,and this bothers me a lot ,,,,little of any substance seems to be getting done ,,,except for the mundane routines that sort of get in my way and have to be done,,,,I am in a funk,,,a deep hole and cannot seem to get out of it ,,,
Seems that many of the people I have grown up with some of whom I followed and admired have contracted something or other and have died,,,music people, film people, icons of the age,,,they are no more and have run their course,,,I think of the earth with all of its insanity and of other planets that we are aware of that have no life at all,,,hundreds and hundreds,,that are barren, desolate, a big zero,,,,and I was thinking why is there a given planet existing with absolutely nothing on it except rocks and poisonous air which wouldn't support a cockroach..Is the earth a cosmic mistake or an astral insane asylum ??
If 2012 is the last station on this line,,,perhaps it is fitting that the Mexicans had it right from the outset,,besides who in their right mind would listen to the French anyway...
For some strange reason I seem to be encountering more and more people that are in my exact situation or pretty damn close to it ,,,not sure if it is a coincidence or I am just being more and more aware of the stories that I am hearing all about me ,,,(not about ME !! ,,but the world around me that is).
My sleeping schedule is all screwed up and I have pretty much given up on trying to correct it ,,and allow it to take its own course,,,,I should like to at least get to the point of getting to the 9:30a meeting on a consistent schedule,,that is a hard thing to work out given my current problem at night,,,
I also seem to be replaying the plot of the movie GROUNDHOG DAY ,, not in the same exact manner,, but the days seem to follow a similiar very familiar path with little alteration,,and this bothers me a lot ,,,,little of any substance seems to be getting done ,,,except for the mundane routines that sort of get in my way and have to be done,,,,I am in a funk,,,a deep hole and cannot seem to get out of it ,,,
Seems that many of the people I have grown up with some of whom I followed and admired have contracted something or other and have died,,,music people, film people, icons of the age,,,they are no more and have run their course,,,I think of the earth with all of its insanity and of other planets that we are aware of that have no life at all,,,hundreds and hundreds,,that are barren, desolate, a big zero,,,,and I was thinking why is there a given planet existing with absolutely nothing on it except rocks and poisonous air which wouldn't support a cockroach..Is the earth a cosmic mistake or an astral insane asylum ??
If 2012 is the last station on this line,,,perhaps it is fitting that the Mexicans had it right from the outset,,besides who in their right mind would listen to the French anyway...
Replies
It boggles my mind also how reading some of the posts by others how much our lives parallel each others. It is very eerie to me but also comforting to some degree that I don\'t feel so alone when I come onto the site.
I really wish you could change your sleep patterns. I got the help of using Trazodone and I feel like a new person sleeping a normal 6-7 hours of sleep at night.
I am sending you huggs and prayers just to let you know that I do care. We may not know each other but that is just the kind of person that I am. xoxo
...\"astral insane asylum\" Haha! I never thought of that...seems like a perfect fit!