another point of learning today, in times of trouble

I know I've talked to you guys about having a 'challenge of the day' and my thoughts go towards trying to motivate myself

to get on with the chores and responsibilities in life.

I was out this morning doing personal errands and my mind was set to reflecting - as I oh so have the inclination to do :).

I thought about how I get so alone with my ideas.. They're fueled with emotion much of the time and yet I talk myself out of writing them or reaching out to others and expressing them.

The hesitation feels weird and so does my impulse to communicate and the word 'inappropriate' comes to mind...but that kind of thought backs me into a corner

of nothing ever being ok for me to do. My go to response to that is to find some outlet.

This place,DS, ultimately is where I store these nuggets.

I think in part when being neuro divergent it makes you feel very isolated as the world does not reflect

the way you see or desire things. I know I have felt socially outcast at times but I tend to be a sunny person..

saying hi to everyone and quick to smile when others hint at reaching out.. 

I went out this morning, though, and I was feeling pretty good, it worried me that I was a bit too exuberant with my spending - it seemed

at every turn there was something I thought I could do with my time, which ultimately equated to more spending.

Unfortunately it's the truth in life out there. I was grasping at straws to control myself but I felt compulsively driven

to spend and the thought of denying myself was too harsh..

I needed to know how to cope with that - how to control myself - what to think about - to somehow rein myself in, how could I understand

and have an outlook for my financial life and impulses?. I thought about how my spiritual growth from living here in a christian community which has really helped me a great deal with my interpersonal relationships and growth.. Christianity offers a way to understand the world - how to understand people and humanity.

This morning I searched for a way to understand my compulsive spending, maybe there was insight like I have found at the monastery, that is a way to cope and work with finances? I thought about how buddhists say 'you can have whatever you want, but you must be responsible for getting it." With that association, my eyes opened and I chanted a little bit which then made myself to be on top of my appetite in commonality..does that make sense? And so I envisioned how we're all collecting the 'proverbial clams' to buy the life we want here. It's as simple as that....The fresh outlook and thoughts gave me the perspective and distance and the tools to understand the nature of the financial life for myself....a wide angle...rather than laser focused inside my mind, again a way of being on top of my

appetite.

Just to recap, I felt more in control and more understanding how people relate to money and their appetites. It's different than religious humanity but it's still an aspect of social life and commonality. And as I was driving through these neighborhoods with all the Halloween crap on the lawns, it really just brought home how just seeing how folks are creating a life for themselves and their family - everyone provides money for the

things that they or their families want and that are part of the tradition to have, benchmarks to social and cultural life.

These were just the very basic shapes of life I was seeing and it seems so simple, so straightforward and

so regular.

Tangentially I started to think about how society is all a big environment and system of earning and spending - knowing what it takes to create and 

for making a life and a establishment to command it ..Maybe that's for Business majors to contemplate.....

I take a deep dive into life's humanities a lot rather than being grounded in the basics, rather than being on top of my appetite.. As an artist

I can lost in creating art out of my life - when in fact I still need to be responsible for my financial life.

By thinking about all this it also engenders a kind of compassion for the people I meet out there..

I get to see that we're all in this mix.

On the way back to the monastery this morning, I was happy about what I had been thinking about.

I think we're all reaching out for answers to hold onto. 

I thought especially

about how the USA political life is very chaotic now and it's making me appreciate and own my community more and more.

I see how, especially in times of trouble, people grasp

at more at things, like religion, like society and each other and culture to hold onto to help them get through it.

Again, I think we're all reaching out for answers to hold onto. 

I love this clip : https://youtu.be/CGj85pVzRJs?si=VzSIVz0F0CznLQll