Another Night of Silence mixed with Anger ....

How much more of this can I take ? That's the question I really should be asking myself. Plus, besides needing a real answer to the question, I need to know exactly when I can implement the answer - " when can I put the answer into effect ? " 

These things are still shrouded in a dense fog in my thoughts. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to clear the fog away. I wish to GOD that Mom was still alive ! Talking to her would be a huge help to me right now. But that's not going to happen, since I lost her over 3 years ago now. When she left this earthly existence, it was as if a part of me was ripped away !

Just last night he started the " tired " old argument about " insisting " that I go see my doctor very soon ! OR ELSE ! .... His threat this time was that... IF I don't see my doctor soon, that HE will Call the hospital and have an Ambulance pick me up ! ... WTF !!!!!!!!

I've got NEWS for him.... HE can't do that bullshit to ME ! ... NOT just because I have a simple bad cold ! He would have to have some REAL PROOF that I was a danger to Myself, OR Others... in other words, that I was suicidal ! ... WHICH I AM NOT !!!!

IT is NOT suicidal to simply NOT want to go see a doctor !!!!!!!!!

Any ambulance company, or cop worth anything, would probably laugh at him for suggesting otherwise, and I feel very strongly that they would tell him that he didn't have a damn leg to stand on !!!!!!!!!

So... sure... LMAO !!!... Go ahead and even TRY you... S.O.B. !!!!!!

As if last night wasn't BAD enough, then Today - Jan. 13 th, 2019 - He showed me his " budget " for February. 

I thought it was VERY interesting that the way he has it worked out, AFTER doing a deposit into my bank account for the bills, and paying his Cell phone bill, that he'll still have a little OVER 200 bucks LEFT in his bank account !

INTERESTING ?!.... To say the least.... 

This I thought was especially interesting since he made a point of mentioning to me how February 1 st is a Friday - and February 3 rd is a Sunday - so ALL SSI / SSD income will be PAID on Friday February 1 st ! 

Funny how this would coincide with Me supposedly going out to see my doctor. 

I hope that I'm reading WAY TOO MUCH into things. PLEASE GOD let me be completely wrong !