another night in a hotel.

In a hotel again. In Chattanooga again. Rereading my last entry. That night, I was wondering if things could get any worse. And, in two months, they have. I am trying dammit. I am trying so hard to get better. My job is killing me, but there is nothing else I can do to pay the bills. I need my insurance. I can't change anything right now. I just signed up for the high deductable insurance, which basically means, I pay the first 2000 dollars outright, and the rest is covered. I knew I would need that. I can see a hospital stay in my future. Hoping I don't fall apart at work. Panic attacks on a near daily basis. I am afraid of losing my job. They won't/don't/can't understand.The Lamictal has caused such severe acne for me, that I don't leave the house unless I have to. My skin bleeds when I touch it, it is that bad. The scars are dark purple, the spots red and pink. It hurts to wear makeup, looks awful when it is covering the peeling dry skin, but I can't leave the house without that mask on. I had gone on some dates with a guy I met online. He said he was vegan, and that sparked my interest. I never thought I would meet one. I wasn't quite sure what to make of him. He seemed cool on the first date, boring as hell on the second. On the third date, I drank too much, and slept with him. He spent the night at my house, which I didn't want him to do. I didn't plan on any of that happening. I had a panic attack and had to take a Seroquel while he was there.Since then, I have found out that he is only vegan because keeps him on a lowfat diet. And, that he isn't truly vegan. He eats dairy often, and meat a couple times a year. He is very odd, has told me that I am perfect for him. (We have hung out a total of 5 times.) When I asked him why, he proceeded to describe my body for five minutes. Not mentioning anything about the actual "me." He also asked me how much I weigh.He is leaving for South America soon, to spend 2 months there. I feel incredibly used. Like he only wanted me for sex. I am trying to avoid contact with him until he leaves. I just want him to go away.And, I want some meds that work without causing this terrible acne. I never would have believed that it could get this bad. It is causing more depression than my regular brain causes. I'll do ANYTHING to make it go away. ANYTHING. I am going to beg my doctor to put me on Accutane. Supposedly that causes depression. But, I would take all of the mood swings in the world if it meant getting rid of this acne.Help.