another morning of my insides tearing out
It happens when I go to sleep and it happens when I wake up.
For now I am reassuring myself in a META mind kind of way - that "oh yeah, this is what happens during
these transitions of sleep and wake."
When I lay my head down in the night to go to sleep, painful, upsetting thoughts happen..eventually
I fall asleep. As a kid I used to cry myself to sleep...but no more crying now....
In the morning, when I wake up - as if a spark plug is firing in the engine of my mind - painful
thoughts start to happen - like an awareness of awakening of consciousness and being,
painful thoughts happen and today too I told myself "oh yeah, this is what happens"...and I got on my way.
It wasn't easy - but that remembering of what happens has gotten me ok enough to start my day.
It definitely does put a damper on my enthusiasm to get up and get out there...and likewise if I try to
cozy up in bed to just avoid the world at that point - I cannot sleep either.....
So yeah - if this happens to you too...I've learned that the META approach does help you take those
humble steps forward and get on with the day. I just got a coffee...
The best part of waking up... :)
Replies
Big hug for you sweetie.... I am so sorry that you suffer this pain on a regular basis..... Have you discussed this with your doctor?
Have you ever tried anything like reading at night?.... I was wondering if something like reading could take you to a better place?.....xo
thanks Jan. That's a good idea. I tend to watch tv before going to bed. But perhaps reading would
be more sleep inducing and helping ease into sleeptime.
What is META? When I googled it, I found two candidates. 1) Abbreviation of "Metaphysical". 2) An acronym for "Most Effective Tactics Available." Or? ? ? Enlightenment requested. I feel like I missed something.
But the context here makes me think of my early use of Radical Acceptance. Early on, Radical Acceptance felt like added motivation to find a hole to crawl in to, but as I my skill with the technique has grown, it gotten easier to be okay with being a few haps shy of a Happy Meal on any given day. I've worked with less. Being okay with the parts I would change if I could has taken me places more profound than I had ever imagined when my control freakitis was refusing to let me even look, much less explore.
met·a
/ˈmedə/
adjectiveUS
(of a creative work) referring to itself or to the conventions of its genre; self-referential.
Still pretty obscure to me, but if it works for you, it works for me.
thanks arfie!