another entry to the

Well, I am done reading for the night, but i still have yet to talk about my issues that i have.  Today i spoke with sarah for a little bit on the phone, but she got mad at me, blew up, then hung up.  It upsets me that she does this, but i dont blame her.  i have been a bad husband because i was not there.  i really want sarah to at least start going to counseling with me.  That way, she can see the change.  She emailed me back telling me not to tell her 'about the change' because all of the promises of change that i have promised, have been empty promises.  And they have been.  i know that i got help for a little while, then did not follow through.  I promise myself this, that this time it is for real.  i have identified the issues with Dr tom, and am getting help on those specific issues.  Today's topic is back to the career, or loss of it.  I spend all day searching for a job.  I applied to another 30 something jobs today.  ugh.  i am trying though.  A few more aviation avionics jobs opened up today as well, so i will continue to pray about that.  I really do not know what else to type about today.  My head is pounding very badly, and i dont feel well.  i will say that i love my wife very much.  I am so extremely sorry that i have caused pain and stress in her life.  I want to give her so much more than that... and i truly regret things thati have done.  We both need to communicate better.  She said a few things today that once again, she has never brought to my attention until now.  When i got the night job as a security guard, she said that it was not a problem.  Now she says it was.... things like that.  Oh well, i no longer work nights.