Another email in a slew...
I've never been a journaler, so I'm surprised (pleasantly) that I'm journaling 2 days in a row. That's an accomplishment for me. Today is okay. My WS went out 2 times last night to get me Benadryl for some allergic reaction I was having (does stress cause itchy rashes, like a food allergy?) - he forgot to get it the first time he went to the store. He was also gone longer than I thought necessary, so maybe he was calling OW? IDK
Anyway, I find myself minimizing his first A. I keep thinking it wasn't that significant (compared to what I've read here and heard from others). Not sure if it was a SA or what. He admitted to dating her and making out. He's proven to not be trustworthy, so all I can do is wonder. Early this am I woke up and was able to get into his cell phone for a brief minute while he was still asleep. I could only read part of 1 of the few new emails. It seems that he screwed her again either Saturday or Sunday. Lovey dovey email that concluded with how he looks forward to their future together. So, he screws her and then calls me later that day (I'm thinking it was Sunday--I was spending time with my grandmother...long story) and asks when I'll be home and tells me how much he misses me.
Is there any salvaging to this marriage? Do I want to waste my time? What's the point? I don't know if he can change, or will change, apart from God's intervention. I know one thing. I want to get my hands on his phone and take pictures of those emails before they're gone.
Still searching for a counselor for IC. Checking into finding free legal consultation as well, jic. That's it for now.
Anyway, I find myself minimizing his first A. I keep thinking it wasn't that significant (compared to what I've read here and heard from others). Not sure if it was a SA or what. He admitted to dating her and making out. He's proven to not be trustworthy, so all I can do is wonder. Early this am I woke up and was able to get into his cell phone for a brief minute while he was still asleep. I could only read part of 1 of the few new emails. It seems that he screwed her again either Saturday or Sunday. Lovey dovey email that concluded with how he looks forward to their future together. So, he screws her and then calls me later that day (I'm thinking it was Sunday--I was spending time with my grandmother...long story) and asks when I'll be home and tells me how much he misses me.
Is there any salvaging to this marriage? Do I want to waste my time? What's the point? I don't know if he can change, or will change, apart from God's intervention. I know one thing. I want to get my hands on his phone and take pictures of those emails before they're gone.
Still searching for a counselor for IC. Checking into finding free legal consultation as well, jic. That's it for now.
Replies
Hi. What kind of phone is it? I have a few pieces of advice, that I hope will be helpful. First..avoid the temptation to look at his phone, for now. If you want to retrieve anything, you don\'t want to take any chances that he realizes what you\'re doing, and puts a pascode or password on it, that makes it more difficult. Second, depending on the phone, it may be as simple as looking up some software online for backup programs, hooking up the phone, and backing everything up. If it\'s an iphone, and he hasn\'t password protected it, there may even be a way to back everything up without even touching his phone. Do some research (preferably not on the home computer, because aside from the history, which you can delete yourself, or run in private mode or whatever, advertisers have crazy ways of identifying your computer, and popping up ads, catered to you. Next thing you know, little side ads are popping up, saying, \'is he cheating on you? find out here...\" and if it\'s your husband using the computer, that could send him into superstealth mode, too.)
Second piece of advice, though, and probably more important than the first - and this is my opinion, others\' have disagreed with me in the past....My advice is DON\'T READ them. If you\'re wanting evidence to help you in a divorce down the road (not suggesting that, but am suggesting prepare for anything) then back up the phone, look at just enough to know you have evidence, and then hide it away on a thumbdrive or something. FIGHT the urge to read them, because it will torment you to no end. Not knowing is tormenting enough, but knowing, but then realizing it\'s all just a fantasy in real world...it\'s painful. I\'m still dealing with things I read three years ago. You\'ll hear it over and over again, only you know you, and only you know your husband, so only you can really decide if you can save your marriage, but until he is honest, in the end (and it sounds cliche, but for me it is true) the lies are worse than the cheating. Praying for the best for you.
Thank you, LFC. I appreciate your advice and support. Even though I\'ve joined 2 online support groups, I\'ve felt ignored lately. Sorry if I sound needy. But, I\'ve only confided in a few people (therapist friends) and, even then, I haven\'t shared everything. I\'m praying you will find peace and rest for yourself. YOU DESERVE IT!!!