Another dissapointment
I'm not doing too well right now. I woke up- its 830- no text from this guy. We were supposed to go out on a date tonight and now I don't know if he's still interested in doing that or he's gonna blow me off. My money's on him blowing me off.
Why do I think that? Bc of what I wrote about last night- he didn't respond at all. I thought maybe he passed out last night and would text me when he woke up this morning. But its almost 9 and he hasn't texted me. If he went to bed early no way he isn't up by now. I realize as I write it how crazy I sound. Bc it hasn't even been a day. But u know what- I don't feel like I'm being crazy at all. I feel like he's gonna stand me up. Also- to be honest there's no room for people who do stand me up. In fact there's no room for people who make me guess whether or not they are going to stand me up. I don't expect timely responses to texts- but I do expect a fucking response and I didn't get one.
Here's the bottom line- I have no fucking idea how to be in a healthy relationship. So I question what I do and I realize that part of the reason I question it is bc I have never been in a healthy relationship before and the other part is bc there's something to question. So the real question is- which one do I listen to?
I had fun yesterday TEXTING him- so basically I was starting to really like words on a phone- I was falling for words on a phone. Just like I did w J. I thought that was J I was falling in love with when actually just a ploy to get me to feel exactly what he wanted me to feel.
You know what- fuck this guy. I'm gonna try my best to just go on about my day like we won't be going out tonight. Yes- I feel disappointed and tricked- but I need to get over that. I will. I've gotten over SO much worse! This was a one day conversation. I'll be okay. But I won't settle for less than what I want anymore. I don't care if its crazy- I deserve to now feel bad. I deserve to not question and wonder. I deserve that and until I get it I'll be single. I wish I was that sure- but I'm not.
Why do I think that? Bc of what I wrote about last night- he didn't respond at all. I thought maybe he passed out last night and would text me when he woke up this morning. But its almost 9 and he hasn't texted me. If he went to bed early no way he isn't up by now. I realize as I write it how crazy I sound. Bc it hasn't even been a day. But u know what- I don't feel like I'm being crazy at all. I feel like he's gonna stand me up. Also- to be honest there's no room for people who do stand me up. In fact there's no room for people who make me guess whether or not they are going to stand me up. I don't expect timely responses to texts- but I do expect a fucking response and I didn't get one.
Here's the bottom line- I have no fucking idea how to be in a healthy relationship. So I question what I do and I realize that part of the reason I question it is bc I have never been in a healthy relationship before and the other part is bc there's something to question. So the real question is- which one do I listen to?
I had fun yesterday TEXTING him- so basically I was starting to really like words on a phone- I was falling for words on a phone. Just like I did w J. I thought that was J I was falling in love with when actually just a ploy to get me to feel exactly what he wanted me to feel.
You know what- fuck this guy. I'm gonna try my best to just go on about my day like we won't be going out tonight. Yes- I feel disappointed and tricked- but I need to get over that. I will. I've gotten over SO much worse! This was a one day conversation. I'll be okay. But I won't settle for less than what I want anymore. I don't care if its crazy- I deserve to now feel bad. I deserve to not question and wonder. I deserve that and until I get it I'll be single. I wish I was that sure- but I'm not.
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