another day today
It has been a few days since i have written anything. Today is Sarah's birthday, and i feel bad, because i am not in her life. I ordered her a bouquet of lilies, her favorite flower with a card that just says "happy birthday, from someon who cares." Sarah has filed a restraining order agains tme for harassment. I have not been served yet, but i will be fighting it. Since when is trying to talk about my concerns with the chilren, our bills, and our marraige harassment? i have not flooded her inobx with emails, her phone with calls, or texts. When i told her that i was going to fight for full custody of the boys if she was planning on leaving the state, she thought i harssed her though. I am doing more and more everyday to better myself. I lost my cool the other day, but only because i am feeling like she is trying to remove the boys from my life. She thinks that she will be moving to california after this divorce. She does not know that she that she cannot after the divorce, because i do not want to leave this state like this and have her leave with my children. It upsets me, because she doesnt want to even try to fix this, especially the reasons that she left for. I love her, and do not want this, but i have to do what i need to do. I am reading a new book, that is also pointing out different aspects of my life that i need to change. I am continuing to pray, and ask if anybody else is reading this, to please pray for me. Still continuing on my march that god has placed in front of me. I have been smoking a lot lately, and need to think about quitting again. i did so well, but fell short again. i will, just not yet. Too much to deal with.
Replies
As well as being a fellow sufferer on this site, I\'m also an attorney, not a family law attorney, a criminal defense attorney, but even outside of my specific area of expertise, I do know some things just as an attorney. So, if Sarah has a restraining order for harrassment, and you want her back, the firstt thing you need to do is respect the restraining order and let her know that you atre doing so. Then get the attorneys/mediators to talk about it, but not you and Sarah.
If you both love your children, and it seems that you do, don\'t put them in the middle of this mess when its all so emotional. If the worst happens and you divorce you will still both need to be parents to your children, so please don\'t fight over them. Difficult as it is, please take a deep breath and a step back --let the attorneysdeal with the ugly stuff, if ugly stuff happens, but dont engage with it yourself. I have been married for thirrty years and my husbamd just left without any warniing. Our kids are 17 and 23, and my main mission in life when I\'m not thinking about my own pain is to make sure that the kids know that we both love them and will not put them in the middle of our problems. You kids are much younger and you have a very reasonable desire to be an equal part of ther liveswith your wife, so for now, respect the restraining order, be nice to your wife and your children and let the lawyers work out the ugly stuff..
I know how much this hurts. I\'m in pain over my husband\'s abrupt decision to walk out after thirty years of marriage. Like you, I haven\'t given up on saving our marriage, but I know that if the worst happens , our kids will need to feel free to love boh of us.
Please be clear, I am in no way criticizing your feelings, just trying to help you put them in contect for today. Remember the inscription on Solomon\'s ring \"This too shall pass.\"
Sending you blessings
SarahLeah