Another day of watching the swing

So, I switched down to 1/4 of the 150mg Nuvigil tablet this morning and can definitely feel the difference.  Of course, isolating what made the difference is hard for me to gauge.  Either because I felt "up" last night, I've been dragging today even though I didn't wake up until noon.  Or because I lowered the dosage of Nuvigil.  Or it's only been the second full day I've tried to be awake and active in fully functional in so long. I do feel a difference with the lower dosage of Nuvigil in that it's roughly the same time tonight that I felt increased heart rate last night, but I took it three hours later this morning.  Also, I feel more tired than yesterday, but I also did more physically today than yesterday and for the first time in a long time. So I feel more tired, but I am also less irritable at this slightly lower dosage.  The boyfriend thinks this seems more like the "real" me.  It feels more "comfortable" but not as "up" or optimistic. I spent time with family here both during the day and then for dinner.  About an hour before dinner that I had been looking forward to, I started to get anxious and didn't think I would be able to go.  I just went.  And seeing the people I love - just hugging them when I walked through the door was like gaining something I'd lost over the past so many months.  It's like I could feel their love coming to me tangibly. A low key dinner with friends and just some idle hours of chatting lazily afterward.  Like the old days.  Like the good days.  The upside, I was able to interact and not have a panic attack.  The downside, I was wondering if I was talking too much at one point - paranoid about becoming manic depressive.  I don't think I am, but I am always watchful.  Baby steps every day.  This one was a good day.  I feel like I don't feel as good as I did yesterday, but I also don't feel like my heart is racing and that I might snap at you for no reason. Psychiatric meds are so hard to gauge.  That's why you have to find a doctor you trust.  There are too many variables. Anyway, this is all in all, a positive swing that I hope keeps going.  Guess I'm still cautiously optimistic. Oh, and reduced dosage hasn't affected my tummy today, just a bit of dry mouth.