ANOTHER DAY DONE!
Sat. night, 9-6-08: It has been a long week for a short one! Last weekend was a nice one. Craig and I went to a movie on Monday...that hasn't happened in a very long time! We also went over to some mutual friends home for a cookout, Sat. eve. Chris came over for dinner on Sunday. And of course, the ball game on Fri. It was very busy and I actually felt sort of normal. But, there is always a kink. Chris got upset because he was seeking help from me over his grief with Scott and I couldn't help him. I tried...I just couldn't because I am still trying to find my own way. I have no wisdom in this area! He even got a bit upset when I told him, at that moment, I was actually doing a little better. It was like he resented it. Anyway, we have worked it out now and hopefully will continue to communicate. It was upsetting, though. Adam found a job! YEA! Actually, the job found him. A friend of mine and her family started a cleaning company for their son to work. They have been in business for about a year, give or take. Their son called Adam, whom he doesn't know, interviewed him, and hired him. They are cleaning businesses in the evening. I am so glad for Adam. This is something he can easily do, pays fairly well, and he isn't around a lot of people...he pretty much works alone. He is really not a people person. School is okay. The kids are great! The other para is driving me nuts! Already! He is a really nice guy but so insecure and takes everything personally. I guess he will never get that everything is not about him! It is very hard, sometimes, to work with someone like that when you are with them so much and work in such a close manner. Our new teacher is great! She was off two days last week because her husband, who she hasn't seen in four months, was graduating from basic training. She drove to Kentucky for the event. A friend of mine was our sub so that was nice. The weather here is kind of yucky! It has been quite fall-like....cooler temps and rainy. I am so not ready for this! Today was drizzley and grey. I have been missing Scott like crazy! I went to the cemetery just because. I am fighting very hard to keep from falling into the depths of darkness, again. Scotty memory: Well, this is hard because I spent a lot of today pulling photos from his friends MySpace pages. Many of them brought back memories. However, there is one that sticks out...we went to Panama City Beach, FL the summer before Scott went into 6th grade. In a shop there, he found two shirts with aliens on them. One of them was orange and became his absolute favorite shirt for the year. (I have posted a photo of him wearing it) I swear he wore it at least three times a week! More, if it was clean. Some of his classmates thought he didn't have any other clothes. They even asked him about it. Of course, he had a closet full of clothes. Finally, it completely wore out. Oh how I wish I had that shirt today!
Replies
Ups and downs. It sounds like you are keeping your head above water honey. Good for you. I\'ve been struggling a bit lately too. Another damn anniversary coming up. I would love to delete March and September from my life!
Why do men always think everything is a personal attack on them? I deal with that a lot too. Male nurses are so arrogant and bossy. Then, their feelings are hurt for one little thing! I just want to slap them. Pouting babies!
I hope you have a wonderful Sunday. I also hope that you can stay out of the darkness. I know how hard it can be! I\'m hugging you tight. Love ya bunches, Barbara
Ginger you ARE doing a little better and embrace it. The ride will likely take you down a bit periodically, but knowing that \"up\" is even a possibility gives us hope. Keep talking to Chris...you may be helping him just by listening to his struggles. I am glad for Adam...working does give us confidence in ourselves. Love the memory of Scott...reminds me of Alex...he was the same way...I would say \"You just wore that shirt\"...he would say \"Yeah mom...but I really like this shirt!\" What can you say? Love and hugs to you...Karen
What a lovely post. You should be happy to be doing a little better. It doesn\'t mean you love Scott any less--you are just beginning to heal, and Scotty would be soooo proud of that!
Again, I love your Scotty stories! They keep him with you and you appreciate the memories that are good ones, I have them, too--just not ready yet to talk about them, but I will!! Hugs,
I\'m so pleased you are doing better. My daughter has started seeing a grief counsellor herself and that has taken the pressure off me to take on that role. I think when we are struggling with our own grief it is all we can do to keep our own heads above water and although we still want to be there for our kids, we can\'t do it effectively. Big hugs, Charlotte.
Nice to hear you are doing better. We all have our ups and downs. Aren\'t kids funny about clothes. If they like it they wear it tell its rags and no matter how wonderful it is if they don\'t forget it. Glad to hear communication is better and it seems partners are never in the same place at the same time. Probably just as well, at least one can maybe lift the other. Hoping you weather clears and your week goes well. Love and hugs cathy
It is nice that you can see that you are doing better and can stand on your own. That is a major step forward. I think the weather were you are is like mine. It really effects the mood we find ourselves in to. Without having a summer I find I just and so blah....
It was nice that you were able to talk and hopefully he understands that even though you are doing better you still can not stand there and hold him up too, talking and being there is always nice though.Cathy is right though partners are never at the same grieve time zone and it is hard.
Wishing you a BRIGHTER day and some warm weather. Tammie