another day, and a big step.

After a whole lot of thought and i know i hadnt put any of it on here but i did something that i never thought id do. i called my oldest brother Z. i dont know what i expected. him to ridicule me and tell me i was never welcome to be a part of his life or what but i had to try. i wasnt expecting him to be so happy to hear from me that he started crying which started me off. i wasnt expecting him to say i love you. or for us to facetime and for my kids to really like their uncle, so far at least. 

right now we obviously cant see eachother, being in different cities and all but he did say that if i ever needed to move he would be out here in a heartbeat to bring me back. the plan as of right now is to wait until covid settles down a bit since im supposed to be keeping me and my girls as secluded as possible since Riley was a preemie. so that is good. he also got me in touch with an attourney who will help negotiate the way through to getting child support and he is paying for it so that is good. 

other than that it was a typical day, though i didnt have any panic attacks today.