Anniversary
Well, it's past midnight and officially the day I married the love of my life. I'd almost forgotten it, because we never really got to celebrate it. You see, my husband attended conventions every year that happen to coincide with our anniversay. He wanted me to go, but I didn't want to spend my vacation, sitting in an auditorium, listening to a bunch of people talk finance. There would have been little us time and that would have been torturous. So I stayed home.
Can't say I regrett it. What I do regret is that I could never convince my husband to stop chasing after the mighty buck. He wanted to be rich and gave everything up in pursuit of that goal. Now, he's gone and his riches lie in Heaven.
How does that make me feel?
Angry. That's how I feel. I waited for him to have time for me and he never did. Anger feels good because if I concentrated enough on it, I get a few moments of relief from the constant agony of missing him.
I was royally cheated. I waited patiently for him to give up his dreams. He never did and now his dreams are my nightmare.
Can't say I regrett it. What I do regret is that I could never convince my husband to stop chasing after the mighty buck. He wanted to be rich and gave everything up in pursuit of that goal. Now, he's gone and his riches lie in Heaven.
How does that make me feel?
Angry. That's how I feel. I waited for him to have time for me and he never did. Anger feels good because if I concentrated enough on it, I get a few moments of relief from the constant agony of missing him.
I was royally cheated. I waited patiently for him to give up his dreams. He never did and now his dreams are my nightmare.
Replies
Oh, me! The anger gets us sooner or later. I hope you will feel better about this soon. Hugs, Joely
I\'m so sorry.
I\'m sorry that you couldn\'t convince him to have more time for the two of you. It is understandable that you are angry. Mark and I both worked everyday - so our together time was during the evening and weekend. For the first part of our relationship, he was playing with the band every weekend - Friday and Saturday night. I always went with him (the best \"roadie\" is what he used to call me) but it was exhausting and we really weren\'t spending the time together. He enjoyed the music - it was in his blood, but he always felt the need for the extra income. I finally convinced him that with our incomes together, he could cut back a bit - AND he did and found that he completely loved our weekends doing what we wanted to do. AND when he did play a gig, it was because he really wanted to - not because he felt that he had to.
I was very blessed and I truly wish that you could have convinced your dear hubby of that too. My hugs to you,
Chris
I am so sorry... I know today will be a hard day for you. You do have the right to be angry, and I know what you mean about getting a break from the grief for a few minutes... I shouldn\'t miss my H after everything he did, but I do...
I dread our upcoming anniversary. It would have been our 25th... Unfortunately for me and my son, H\'s b-day falls two weeks after our wedding anniversary, and then 26 days later, it\'s the 1st year anniversary of his death. Oct and November are going to be pure hell... I\'ve noticed that the closer these dates get, the angrier I get... Coping mechanism??? Perhaps.
You\'ll be in my thoughts and prayers today, and I\'m wishing you peace.
((HUGS))
Karen
Anger and resentment are all part of the healing process. I had a lot of anger and resentment this past week. I was angry and resentful towards God for taking my Smokey and leaving me the pile of mess that I am in now. God will work it out but I resented Him for taking my Smokey and angry because of it. You are angry and resentful for a different reason. We will get thru this as well as God is not finished with us yet. From Diane
I am so sorry....all the firsts are so difficult. I hope that tomorrow will be more peaceful and the anger will abate. Hugs, Dianne