Angry little woman

I'm just tired. Tired of caring tired of trying to be helpful. I don't know if anyone has bipolar and has angry issues. Im always trying to start fights with strangers. I wanna punch a wall break my hand or take something sharp to cut myself just to feel some type of pain because inside I am numb. I can't stand my mother in law which I think a lot of my anger stems from the relationship we have. In this family there are 3 people that are important everyone else is shit. My mother in law own son basically removed himself from the family. He refues to have any contact with them for the wrong they did to him and me. It's sad when your own son wants nothing to do with you. I'm only close to like 2 people in the family. They will tell you how fucked up this family is. I want so bad to knock the shit out of my mother in law. Many times she has told me she would hit me one time she rushed me. I wish she would hit me because lady I could fuck up your whole world. I could make your own business go down the toilet for domestic volience. I grew up in foster care I know the system very well. People think I'm stupid that's what I want people to think. I'm going crazy and I don't know what to do.