Angry and Defeated Today
I've been having a rough couple of days. It seems I've hopped on the self pity train and like a good little hobo I seen content to ride it to the end. I just can't seem to get happy.
Joey isn't helping. At all. I hear all these stories about how fathers get up with their babies. How they feed them in the middle of the night, how they get up with them in the morning so that the mother's can catch up on thier sleep. Not mine. And Marlow has been having night issues as of late. I have slept 12 hours in four days. I'm so tired. Last night, I went to bed when Marlow did, and he stayed up to do whatever it is he does. She woke up, crying, and he came into the bedroom and woke me up, so that I could deal with her. He does that often. He knows I am exhausted. And yet he refuses to help. When he does get up with her in the middle of the night on the odd occasion, he gets upset that she won't settle within 5 minutes and I get up anyways.
And then there is the issue of tonight. Some of my old friends invited me out tonight. To go to some pubs, have some fun. So I asked Joey if I could go. If he would mind watching Marlow. You know what he tells me? 'Oh, well, I have plans so you can't go out. Besides, you can't drink because you need to get up with the kid in the morning. And you can't handle your alcohol.' You know how many times I've been drunk in the four years we have been together??? 0. And he wouldn't give up his plans, he goes out every weekend, so that I could go out for the first time in 7 months. Plus, he told me that if I did find a babysitter and I did go out, that I was the one crawling out of bed at 7 with Marlow.
I just feel defeated. I'm exhausted. To bring in extra money, his idea, not really mine, I watch kids. I have four kids, under the age of 3, in my care the last few days. So on top of only sleeping for three hours tops, I'm chasing around kids. One is teething, one is just going through that 'im not listening' stage. Marlow is cranky becuase she isn't sleeping.
My house is falling apart, because I can't get him to help with the house work either. He thinks since I stay at home all day and 'do nothing' according to him, that I should be the one to do all the cleaning. I asked him to throw in a load of laundry last night because he was almost out of boxers and he got mad. And I also asked him to wash one dish from supper, because I still had one of the kids and she was running a fever so I wanted to deal with her. He left the dish. It caked on. And by the time I got to it it took almost 20 minutes to scrub clean.
I don't know how to get him to understand. He says he does. And he acts like maybe he might help. But he doesn't. And when I bring it back up he shuts me out and trivializes my issues. I'm angry at him for it. So angry.
He's been going out after work lately, and he tells me he will only be an hour or so, then he is gone for 7 hours. He does not call or text to let me know he will be late. The other day I made his favorite meal, and he didn't come home for supper, he didn't call, and when he got home and I was crying he told me I'm over reacting.
What happened? I thought we were going forward?
Joey isn't helping. At all. I hear all these stories about how fathers get up with their babies. How they feed them in the middle of the night, how they get up with them in the morning so that the mother's can catch up on thier sleep. Not mine. And Marlow has been having night issues as of late. I have slept 12 hours in four days. I'm so tired. Last night, I went to bed when Marlow did, and he stayed up to do whatever it is he does. She woke up, crying, and he came into the bedroom and woke me up, so that I could deal with her. He does that often. He knows I am exhausted. And yet he refuses to help. When he does get up with her in the middle of the night on the odd occasion, he gets upset that she won't settle within 5 minutes and I get up anyways.
And then there is the issue of tonight. Some of my old friends invited me out tonight. To go to some pubs, have some fun. So I asked Joey if I could go. If he would mind watching Marlow. You know what he tells me? 'Oh, well, I have plans so you can't go out. Besides, you can't drink because you need to get up with the kid in the morning. And you can't handle your alcohol.' You know how many times I've been drunk in the four years we have been together??? 0. And he wouldn't give up his plans, he goes out every weekend, so that I could go out for the first time in 7 months. Plus, he told me that if I did find a babysitter and I did go out, that I was the one crawling out of bed at 7 with Marlow.
I just feel defeated. I'm exhausted. To bring in extra money, his idea, not really mine, I watch kids. I have four kids, under the age of 3, in my care the last few days. So on top of only sleeping for three hours tops, I'm chasing around kids. One is teething, one is just going through that 'im not listening' stage. Marlow is cranky becuase she isn't sleeping.
My house is falling apart, because I can't get him to help with the house work either. He thinks since I stay at home all day and 'do nothing' according to him, that I should be the one to do all the cleaning. I asked him to throw in a load of laundry last night because he was almost out of boxers and he got mad. And I also asked him to wash one dish from supper, because I still had one of the kids and she was running a fever so I wanted to deal with her. He left the dish. It caked on. And by the time I got to it it took almost 20 minutes to scrub clean.
I don't know how to get him to understand. He says he does. And he acts like maybe he might help. But he doesn't. And when I bring it back up he shuts me out and trivializes my issues. I'm angry at him for it. So angry.
He's been going out after work lately, and he tells me he will only be an hour or so, then he is gone for 7 hours. He does not call or text to let me know he will be late. The other day I made his favorite meal, and he didn't come home for supper, he didn't call, and when he got home and I was crying he told me I'm over reacting.
What happened? I thought we were going forward?
Replies
Completely exhausted and happy never go together. Your ticket off the self pity train starts with some good old fashioned sleep. Your fiancee needs to realize that you will be happier and able to be more effective at everything if you get some rest. Marlow is his responsibility too, and he does need to pull his weight in taking care of her.
I would talk to him and tell him that this parenting thing really needs to be a team effort, and that you need him to help. When he came to you and said that he needed help with meeting the financial needs of the family, what did you do? You helped because it was what was best for the family. Well it is also best for the family for you to not get so run down that you get sick or can\'t function. Also, I think that he needs to reevaluate his priorites. He is not a bachelor. what is he doing going out every night? He needs to come home and spend time with his family.
As far as the weekends, I think that you need to work out some date time. Having alone time together really helps in keeping the romance and communication lines open. I think you two need this right now. Get a sitter and go out on a date. Friends are also important. I think you both need time to spend with your friends. You need to communicate that just as his time out with his friends is important to him, you need that too. Maybe one weekend he gets to go out the next you do. Just like he needs sleep, so do you. You need to take turns on the weekend so you both get some rest. Maybe Friday night/Saturday morning you get up, and Saturday night/sunday morning he gets up or vice versa.
I know that he will probably play the \"I work all week\" card, but that is ridiculous because so do you. Just because you don\'t drive to an office to do it doesn\'t mean it is not work.
Right now I am the one working outside of the home, and my husband stays home with our son. His job during the day is more important than mine, he is caring for our son. Just because it doesn\'t earn any money doesn\'t mean it isn\'t work. He is doing something very valuable for our family. On the weekends we both could use some rest . We take turns with the weekend responsibilities so we can both get some R and R. It works very nicely.