Angry and Defeated Today
I've been having a rough couple of days. It seems I've hopped on the self pity train and like a good little hobo I seen content to ride it to the end. I just can't seem to get happy.
Joey isn't helping. At all. I hear all these stories about how fathers get up with their babies. How they feed them in the middle of the night, how they get up with them in the morning so that the mother's can catch up on thier sleep. Not mine. And Marlow has been having night issues as of late. I have slept 12 hours in four days. I'm so tired. Last night, I went to bed when Marlow did, and he stayed up to do whatever it is he does. She woke up, crying, and he came into the bedroom and woke me up, so that I could deal with her. He does that often. He knows I am exhausted. And yet he refuses to help. When he does get up with her in the middle of the night on the odd occasion, he gets upset that she won't settle within 5 minutes and I get up anyways.
And then there is the issue of tonight. Some of my old friends invited me out tonight. To go to some pubs, have some fun. So I asked Joey if I could go. If he would mind watching Marlow. You know what he tells me? 'Oh, well, I have plans so you can't go out. Besides, you can't drink because you need to get up with the kid in the morning. And you can't handle your alcohol.' You know how many times I've been drunk in the four years we have been together??? 0. And he wouldn't give up his plans, he goes out every weekend, so that I could go out for the first time in 7 months. Plus, he told me that if I did find a babysitter and I did go out, that I was the one crawling out of bed at 7 with Marlow.
I just feel defeated. I'm exhausted. To bring in extra money, his idea, not really mine, I watch kids. I have four kids, under the age of 3, in my care the last few days. So on top of only sleeping for three hours tops, I'm chasing around kids. One is teething, one is just going through that 'im not listening' stage. Marlow is cranky becuase she isn't sleeping.
My house is falling apart, because I can't get him to help with the house work either. He thinks since I stay at home all day and 'do nothing' according to him, that I should be the one to do all the cleaning. I asked him to throw in a load of laundry last night because he was almost out of boxers and he got mad. And I also asked him to wash one dish from supper, because I still had one of the kids and she was running a fever so I wanted to deal with her. He left the dish. It caked on. And by the time I got to it it took almost 20 minutes to scrub clean.
I don't know how to get him to understand. He says he does. And he acts like maybe he might help. But he doesn't. And when I bring it back up he shuts me out and trivializes my issues. I'm angry at him for it. So angry.
He's been going out after work lately, and he tells me he will only be an hour or so, then he is gone for 7 hours. He does not call or text to let me know he will be late. The other day I made his favorite meal, and he didn't come home for supper, he didn't call, and when he got home and I was crying he told me I'm over reacting.
What happened? I thought we were going forward?
Joey isn't helping. At all. I hear all these stories about how fathers get up with their babies. How they feed them in the middle of the night, how they get up with them in the morning so that the mother's can catch up on thier sleep. Not mine. And Marlow has been having night issues as of late. I have slept 12 hours in four days. I'm so tired. Last night, I went to bed when Marlow did, and he stayed up to do whatever it is he does. She woke up, crying, and he came into the bedroom and woke me up, so that I could deal with her. He does that often. He knows I am exhausted. And yet he refuses to help. When he does get up with her in the middle of the night on the odd occasion, he gets upset that she won't settle within 5 minutes and I get up anyways.
And then there is the issue of tonight. Some of my old friends invited me out tonight. To go to some pubs, have some fun. So I asked Joey if I could go. If he would mind watching Marlow. You know what he tells me? 'Oh, well, I have plans so you can't go out. Besides, you can't drink because you need to get up with the kid in the morning. And you can't handle your alcohol.' You know how many times I've been drunk in the four years we have been together??? 0. And he wouldn't give up his plans, he goes out every weekend, so that I could go out for the first time in 7 months. Plus, he told me that if I did find a babysitter and I did go out, that I was the one crawling out of bed at 7 with Marlow.
I just feel defeated. I'm exhausted. To bring in extra money, his idea, not really mine, I watch kids. I have four kids, under the age of 3, in my care the last few days. So on top of only sleeping for three hours tops, I'm chasing around kids. One is teething, one is just going through that 'im not listening' stage. Marlow is cranky becuase she isn't sleeping.
My house is falling apart, because I can't get him to help with the house work either. He thinks since I stay at home all day and 'do nothing' according to him, that I should be the one to do all the cleaning. I asked him to throw in a load of laundry last night because he was almost out of boxers and he got mad. And I also asked him to wash one dish from supper, because I still had one of the kids and she was running a fever so I wanted to deal with her. He left the dish. It caked on. And by the time I got to it it took almost 20 minutes to scrub clean.
I don't know how to get him to understand. He says he does. And he acts like maybe he might help. But he doesn't. And when I bring it back up he shuts me out and trivializes my issues. I'm angry at him for it. So angry.
He's been going out after work lately, and he tells me he will only be an hour or so, then he is gone for 7 hours. He does not call or text to let me know he will be late. The other day I made his favorite meal, and he didn't come home for supper, he didn't call, and when he got home and I was crying he told me I'm over reacting.
What happened? I thought we were going forward?
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