anger and self responsibility

 I was given the conundrum in my mind about how I should commit to my relationships in life. Wholeheartedly I mean - be solid - and so on. in life. I was tired on the drive home and weird thoughts like this came as a criticism for how to be at a moment when I was unsure who could hold my heart and woe as I made the long journey home from work. I realized I wanted to have some fun and so allowing for some fun in friendships and relationships is what I concluded - I felt it must have made me seem insincere - but here's to trying it out - ? I have no idea, I ought not be so hard on myself. I then came home and felt a sense of anger about me - a sense of rage in fact - I felt the need to negotiate life in terms of staying in my own lane - and yet that also brought about the ego in me - and it's outrageousness and insatiability - seemingly -the anger seemed to be self reinforcing - feeding on it- and so I knew I had to stay in my own lane - be self responsible so to speak even still- but even still - I felt a sense of failure about it - missing a kind of honor and decency - but then I thought that with any anger I might have - I am also needing to be self responsible about it - like we all do- so that I know it's just a funky f-ed up side effect of being human - and not to give it too much power - but to also know that it is invariably a part of the human experience. I feel better now - still feel the anger simmering beneath the surface - but I think  it might be in part from the sugar I ate - as well - I have a trip coming up - that I have to find a ride for - I think I might just drive myself and park long term. (4 days). Things are ok. I can't wait to get there. :)