And there I go again

Truly, what am I holding on to?  Is it that I don't have any concrete evidence that he intended to do something with this girl?  If I did, would it be any easier?  I know I'm better off without him.  God meant for me to have these wonderful sons with him, nothing more.  We aren't meant to be.  We're very bad for eachother.  Both miserable.  If he was happy with me, he wouldn't have been using these games as an escape.  I wasn't happy with him.  I felt so much pressure to be his perfect wife, all the while knowing I wasn't what he wanted.  I can now look at beautiful girls and see a human being where before all I saw was a threat.  I don't have to have that uncomfortable feeling of knowing he's looking at her, wanting her, wishing she were in my place.  My sons are so amazing.  They're having more fun than ever now, getting to go to more places.  We're not only bad for eachother, we're bad for them when we're together.  I don't have to feel ignored anymore.  I don't have to feel underappreciated.  I don't have to be angry that he's not helping out.  He never did a good job of anything, anyways.  I keep thinking- what will their birthday party be like?  It may be the first time I face his family again.  He will have a girl by then, but hopefully he'll have the decency not to bring her.  I can say I want this, I want this, I want this- it will always hurt when he goes along with it.  Just now he texted me regarding what I'd said earlier- that we need to find a way to split our money.  He made a more than generous offer.  And it killed me!  I guess I just want him to keep begging.  Why?  His begging is insincere.  I've known him long enough to know this.  This is what he wants.  He wants to bang young girls.  I will find the most awesome new man.  I will take things so slow, make sure I don't upset or confuse the boys.  But I will find him, and F will see that he's so much more of a man than he could ever be.  All of the jealousy he tried to cause with his new girl (and I know he will) will come back to him a million fold because I will not settle.  I will find a man who is deserving of me, and more importantly, of my children.  I love them so much.  It needs to be all about them.  Why is this even bothering me?  They're getting what is absolutely best for them!