And life goes on...
My dear friends it's been more than a year since I withdrew from the warmth, the comfort and the support that I have found here in this forum.
A year of thinking about and praying for my brave warrior friends who have survived this journey so much longer than I have and somehow find the strength to keep going and the grace to keep loving and supporting, despite the challenges.
I want to write my victory story so badly. It's interesting how every day drags by as we count the minutes trapped in a dysfunctional body and a dysfunctional life. And we turn around and a year has flown by, then two , then ten. How can time move so slowly and fly by at the same time?
I see that you my friends are still in the struggle and I bless you for every day that you have survived, for every day that you have hoped, for every day that you have managed even for a little while to see beyond the clouds and grab onto even the tiniest ray of sunshine. I bless that light in your hearts.
I've been unemployed now for almost four years. I've had a lot of time to process, to try to comprehend, to accept, to release, to pray and to grow.
I've grown a lot in the nine years I have walked with this disease, I've been through a lot, I've seen my life totally disintegrate.. and I've seen grace at work in my life. I have seen supernatural provision. I have had profound spiritual experiences. I have seen myself evolve as a person, as a friend and as a mother. And I have grown so much in faith.
This weekend I kept vigil over my pup as he died a horrific and painful death. To the last I fought for his life but I guess you could say my prayers were not answered, much like my prayers for healing and my pleading to have my life back.
Yet in the aftermath I find my faith unshaken. I will be whole again in body, mind, spirit and in every dimension of my affairs.
I am so sorry now for the efforts I made to save my pup's life, force feeding him hydrating fluids every 1/2 hour, having the vet inject him, torturing him in an effort to save his life. By my efforts I prolonged his agony but did not change his outcome.
It's the same with us isn't it. Hope keeps us alive. Even the faintest glimmer gives us enough to make it from one day to the next. And some of us will go to our graves in a CFS riddled body.
But some of us won't. Because hope just might take us through to the other side.
Blessings my friends, never give up hope.
Replies
So sorry for the loss of your furbaby. Good to see you back here. Hope is essential and if hope is not to be found, then respect for the life we've been given, even if it isn't quite what we thought it would be. For truly, what is normal when it comes to a life? A life is a unique thing to each of us, that one thing that is ours alone. I hope today finds you with strength and purpose. Blessings
What a joy to hear from you again, dear friend. I'm so sorry about your pup. I have a kitty and I know the grief I would feel if she passed. So, I feel your pain. I'm glad that your faith remains strong. Much love.
Hey there sister. Can't believe it's been a year. So as you see we are still here and unfortunately still not running marathons. Well ....having CFS is really a marathon isn't it. Always trying to hold our head above the water whatever way we can and not sink. I guess it's all about spiritual growth...above and beyond theses silly temporary bodies. Perhaps if we were in strong healthy bodies and able to enjoy constantly, we would be in more illusion and spiritually unaware of our true nature. Maybe the suffering is a blessing in disguise.
I'm so very sorry that you lost your puppy despite all your efforts to save him. What you did is the most natural response.
It's such a pleasure to hear from you again and you are indeed a treasure. Are you still in your house by the sea ? How is your son doing.? Love to you always my Jamaican sister.xoxo
HI Max! So good to hear from you! I thought about you a lot during hurricane season - worried, actually.
Sorry to hear about your puppy. I know you did all you could to save him and give him a happy home. Don't regret your efforts to save him. You should find some comfort in knowing that you did all you could for him. If he had lived, it would have been more than worth it. So, why shouldn't it still be worth it???
We had to put Bumble D., our beautiful, giant Great Pyrenees down a few weeks ago. I know it was his time to go, but just not the same here without our gentle giant.
I am in crash mode ....... did way too much over the summer.