An understanding of sorts
I have been finding all the recent boards very informative and even common to so many issues that has come up in my own relationship. I left my boyfriend over a year ago (literally moved away) to work on things because he ignored them while I was there cause I would do it for him all the time. He never listened to what "issues" that came up because he didn't see them as issues. Ignored me and them to the point where I became numb to what was happening because it didn't matter if I brought it up to talk about or to resolve or not. He isn't into drugs, did enjoy his beer a little too much, never abusive physically but emotionally and mentally for sure and never could get stuff done it seems. He told people how lazy I was and apparently I couldn't do anything right and of course all this got back to me. Any major projects that came up I had to take care of personally and financially. I would do anything to make this relationship work out but we all have our own issues and problems. I could have done things differently by not letting things get so bad and take a stand (there in the relationship for 7 years) and speak my mind but it got to where I couldn't in fear of what argument would arise and of course it was always my fault. Nothing was ever his problem or his responsibility. He's never been one to cheat and even tho we've been doing our long distance deal this last year I know he hasn't cheated. But his opinion is more along the lines of me moving back to fix the problems in his words "together" but I'm in fear it would only be one sided as usual. He can act all casual and be unaffected or so it seems by the situation, he can't connect to me emotionally and hasn't taken reprehensibility for his actions besides drinking too much and gaming too much. He doesn't seem to be affected the same way I am. I can sit here and look at all kinds of information to help myself and him but in the end it has to be his own attempt to better himself. I have to accept that all I CAN do is better myself. Maybe meet things more middle and stand my ground that certain things have to change and he has to be able to meet in the middle too. This as any relationship is suppose to be 50/50. I know I can't change him but I know I can change myself and how I react to situations and MAYBE he'll understand and appreciate me more for what I will and won't do or accept in the relationship anymore. I know that there are storms coming in every aspect of life usually but I know it's how we react to those storms that show us what we are made of. Sticking to our morals and values is important. Makes us who we are and it makes us stronger people to be able to stand up for what's right. My Aunt has always been a woman of wise words and her description what a relationship should be used to be more of a "fairy tale" type. Find a man who will treat you like a queen. Easier said than done sometimes but I really do believe everybody can find happiness. Hold on to who you are and what you can do. Let go what you can't change and what you can't do. Concentrate on what is best for you and do things that keep you busy and happy.