An Increase in Seroquel
I met with my new psychiatrist this morning. It was interesting. She seems like she's my age. A kid fresh out of college. I had to reexplain my situation in a small way, I cant go into detail within a 30 min period. We are going to up my dosage on seroquel again so I can sleep and my mood can level out. I have missed a lot of sleep and I am trying to regain it by smoking pot and that is just not realistic. I never feel good anymore and I don't know why.
Katie was being odd the last couple days. She didn't tell me about a fight that she had with Jay, which hurt because I thought that she would like to confide her thoughts in me because I am a good friend and I tell her my thoughts. I know that maybe I am over analyzing these things but they really do get to me, especially coming from Katie... someone I don't expect to pull this shit. Rachael on the other hand I expect to screw me over, because she had done it many times with no feeling of guilt. Katie's birthday is on Saturday or Sunday so we are all going out on Saturday night to a bar to celebrate. That's a unique time, right? I thought that she wanted to do something new, different and interesting... guess not though. I do understand if funds are running low and that is the only alternative. I don't know what to get her though. Something special, but not too much money or too gloating like. Oh man I am tired. Mom has someone coming in for the night before she flys out tomorrow. So mom has bee cleaning all day, and annoying me. I found some good shows on netflix today so I am just going to watch that this evening while mom is with Lynda.
I don't know what else to say. I am feeling more depressed and somewhat hopeless each day and i don't know why. I am hopeful that this increase in the medication will help somewhat, But I am still unsure. I don't want to use that drug as a crutch! Especially that drug of all of them. I was hoping that lithium would be enough to sustain me but I suppose not. She didn't ask me if I have any suicidal or homicidal thoughts. I thought that was odd. I am having some suicidal thoughts again and then no homicidal thoughts. Just suicidal. I have already begun hiding my feelings and not showing my emotions. I have to go start drinking.
Goodnight moon.
Katie was being odd the last couple days. She didn't tell me about a fight that she had with Jay, which hurt because I thought that she would like to confide her thoughts in me because I am a good friend and I tell her my thoughts. I know that maybe I am over analyzing these things but they really do get to me, especially coming from Katie... someone I don't expect to pull this shit. Rachael on the other hand I expect to screw me over, because she had done it many times with no feeling of guilt. Katie's birthday is on Saturday or Sunday so we are all going out on Saturday night to a bar to celebrate. That's a unique time, right? I thought that she wanted to do something new, different and interesting... guess not though. I do understand if funds are running low and that is the only alternative. I don't know what to get her though. Something special, but not too much money or too gloating like. Oh man I am tired. Mom has someone coming in for the night before she flys out tomorrow. So mom has bee cleaning all day, and annoying me. I found some good shows on netflix today so I am just going to watch that this evening while mom is with Lynda.
I don't know what else to say. I am feeling more depressed and somewhat hopeless each day and i don't know why. I am hopeful that this increase in the medication will help somewhat, But I am still unsure. I don't want to use that drug as a crutch! Especially that drug of all of them. I was hoping that lithium would be enough to sustain me but I suppose not. She didn't ask me if I have any suicidal or homicidal thoughts. I thought that was odd. I am having some suicidal thoughts again and then no homicidal thoughts. Just suicidal. I have already begun hiding my feelings and not showing my emotions. I have to go start drinking.
Goodnight moon.
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