An Early Green Smiley Monday
Hi everyone, I am writing my green smiley early. I am grateful that Hurricane Irene didn't cause too much damage where I live. We got lots of rain and wind but I didn't even lose power. What a blessing. I know Irene was much worse in other regions.
I had a dream last night. In the dream Eddie was about 8 years old & I was getting his school clothes ready since school starting up was around the corner. He was smiling as we looked through the clothes he had outgrown. That is all I remember of the dream. Then I had an epiphany! I realized that life may have dealt me a horrible blow when my 37 year old son Ed passed but life cannot take away the 8 year old he was & that I have memories of. I think Sarah, Andy's mom has talked about that. That we may grieve not only our loss but our time with our kids when they were little but them growing up is what is the natural order of things and not sad for me. Ed leaving for Heaven almost 2 years ago is sad but I still have his memory as a baby, an eight year old etc. and those are not sad memories. Does that make sense?
Love and peace to all.
I had a dream last night. In the dream Eddie was about 8 years old & I was getting his school clothes ready since school starting up was around the corner. He was smiling as we looked through the clothes he had outgrown. That is all I remember of the dream. Then I had an epiphany! I realized that life may have dealt me a horrible blow when my 37 year old son Ed passed but life cannot take away the 8 year old he was & that I have memories of. I think Sarah, Andy's mom has talked about that. That we may grieve not only our loss but our time with our kids when they were little but them growing up is what is the natural order of things and not sad for me. Ed leaving for Heaven almost 2 years ago is sad but I still have his memory as a baby, an eight year old etc. and those are not sad memories. Does that make sense?
Love and peace to all.
Replies
LOVE when an epiphany greets our heart and thoughts with such a tender embrace. There is a forever swirl of expressions, perspectives, understandings, etc....... such a gift of healing when those gentle a\'ha\'s sink deeper wtihin. Thinking of You Linda, and your special SONshine. OXO
I am so relieved to hear that you made it though \"Irene\" with little or no affects. I love the dream about Ed when he was a little boy - outgrowing his clothes. When Alex wanted new clothes - he would always start off with \"GiGi - we need to talk\" So, I always think of those instances as a time to talk and make new plans - out with old - in with the new. Maybe Ed was saying it was time to make room for his namesake. Just thinking out loud.
Love to you Linda as you travel on toward that day. Suzzanne
Beautiful. The love we had all those years has not disappeared, nor changed. I remember Jake\'s surprise when I told him that the way he felt about his kids was the way I felt about him. He was astonished. We have all those years together, the raising of wonderful boys. How they enriched our lives. Now we have learned to love the people we still have, knowing how temporary life is.
Linda, yes it does make sense. I am so thankful for all the memories I have. I love to sit and think back on a certain time in thier lives and just relive those sweet memories I have. It was hard to do this in early grief, but now I am at a point where I can remember those happy times. I am so glad you did not have too much damage from Irene! Hugs and Happy Monday to you...Love, Kim
Memories are a wonderful thing - we can take them out anytime we want and yet hold them so very close to our hearts...The smiles and laughter they bring are so very precious...
It\'s hard to go back to memories right now but I do have pics of April has an extremely happy child. It\'s the recent photos taken digitally that I can\'t look at right now. This storm set me back, left alone with no TV, no internet connection with all my loving and supportive DS friends, I went right back to that day and have been suffering. I still have so much grief work to do. Early this morning I dreamed of April, she was standing in front of me in her usual grey stay-at-home robe and I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her. This wasn\'t a \"visit\" i don\'t think because when I woke up I thought it was like hugging a cardboard \"form\" but who really knows, maybe it\'s the best she can do right now, being \"new\" at this. I hope I can get to the place where all her drawings (boxes of them she was so gifted even as a five year old) and pictures are a source of joyful memory and not a reminder of what I no longer have in this world. I can, and I DO, learn from all of you who are further along. I have two options: either give up and mire myself in my morbid thoughts and grief or get up and go, do the work God has for me. This is no choice at all: I get up and go. Now I have to learn to \"let go\" of the horrible memories, especially last Christmas when I was on the verge of a breakdown and ruined the day; but as my therapist says, I\'m \"only human\". He also says it\'s a miracle I was able to do what I did for her for so long because it took so much strength. I lean totally on God, I did then, I do now. I\'m glad you didn\'t lose your electricity, let me tell you that normally it wouldn\'t have bothered me but this time it brought a wave of emotional horror. One more stresser, can\'t handle more stressers. Let\'s all thank God we weren\'t swept away, our homes weren\'t destroyed as so many person\'s were, and that we DO have these memories of the children we loved oh so much whom God let us have until, for whatever reason, He let them go \"home\". God bless you..