Am I The Common Denominator???

Like I said, I had my centre on Monday and now I can't even find it! I've been going back deep into my self-help books and going along my merry way toward healing.  I'm trying to be honest with myself and my past traumas...dragging up some heavy stuff and doing my best to work through it.  Maybe this has set me on edge.  Maybe this has triggered some things.  Well I was talking to a friend the other night and this friend wasn't in the best of spirits complaining about winter and all and all in a generally shitty mood.  So I was trying to make conversation anyway through the moaning and complaining and we stumbled upon the subject of work and raises and I said "Our boss told us we were going to get a raise in August and it is now January...hahaha".  To tell you the truth I wasn't even very worried about it...just chatting.  Then she says "Well don't expect any sympathy from me ... we didn't get a raise last year and it doesn't look like we will get one this year" Well automatically I got pissed off ... first of all SHOULDN'T I expect her sympathy and possibly commiseration  being that she is a friend and all and secondly how did this get to be about her (she has no idea that I haven't had a raise in two years by the way).  It was like she poured a bucket of cold water over me (before this conversation I was actually in a GOOD mood) and when I get pissed off I shut down because a) I'm pissed and b) I don't know how to tell someone I'm pissed without them getting pissed at me so I don't say what I really and truly mean or I don't say anything at all and c) I get a bit defensive.  So I said "You make like ten times more ( a slight exaggeration) than me already".  And she says "well I live in a more expensive city" (Snobville Canada) and then I just changed the subject seeing it was getting heated.  First of all if she got a raise I would be super happy for her and if she didn't I would complain with her and she makes a lot more than me and lives on her own and isn't supporting two kids and a goldfish.  Anway this has had me simmering for two days now.  I'm mad at myself because I can't seem to tell people how I really feel because I am afraid they will walk out on me (abandonment?).  On the other hand I am really determined to change that.  I'm kicking myself for not saying what I should have said in the moment and not just getting defensive.  I should have said at the very moment she made her comment that it made me feel bad, and unsupported and yukky.  It felt like a slap in the face to me.  So for the past day I have been preparing these super non-confrontational but informative speeches in my head to deliver to her about how her comment made me feel because I think it is important for me to tell people how I feel and not be afraid to do so because of what that other person may do in terms of consequences to my honesty. So I talked to her tonight and we almost immediately got into a debate...starting with breast augmentation of all things, and then branching out to different debatable topics and everything I said she said the opposite, and since she is a better debater and I get flustered, my incredibly interesting and intelligent points fell flat and I found myself expending way too much energy on a night where I had worked for 8 hours, went to the gym, made dinner, went through homework (8 times table drills) and attended dance class and now exhausted finally said to her:  "Are you just saying the opposite of what I am saying?" and she says "we are allowed to have differences of opinion Tara (like I was one of the slower students in class). And I agree people are allowed to have differences of opinion but are they supposed to feel like crap afterwards?  Anway I didn't end up talking to her about the orignal thing that annoyed the hell out of me because I was so pissed after our second conversation.  So now I'm wondering if I was all irritable because I was afraid to tell her how I felt or if my anger was justified.  Was her attitude and demeanor setting me off or is my old issues???  And now I'm all sad and teary and guilty because I'm thinking maybe it's me not her.  Maybe it's ALWAYS been me.  In all these failed relationships, with friends and lovers and family  I have been the common denominator.  So now I'm all panciky and bummed out thinking maybe I am always difficult and defensive.  How do I know it's not me?????  Maybe I'm unreasonable and demanding and expect too much and have too high standards and am moody and bitchy.   What if it's me????