am i selfish?

maybe i just cant b satisfied.  i thought marriage would b so simple.  sex.  finally sex would b beautiful.  would b godly.  sex once was all i thought i had 2 offer.  well thats not true.  it was all i thought most of the men in my life wanted from me.  a trade.  if i gave them the sex i cld have the relationship.  now its complicated.  i enjoy the sex. im usually the agressor.  i wnt the relationship.  i want the sex.  i enjoy dif positions and oral.  id try anal if hus wanted.  i didnt know he was such a prude.  im not adventurous but as long as its just him & i and not demeaning im willing 2 try.  i want him 2 perform oral on me.  he wont do it.  pisses me off.  i fl i do so much 4 him.  he cheated on me he shd do whatever i ask.  he says he did it 2x.  i dont beleive him.  i dont remember it at all.  seems so unfair im the freak & he cheated.  he does nothing special wants nothing special & another wmn wanted him.  men compliment me.  more lately.  i must b sending out a vibe.  he rarely compliments me.  i just feel so dissatisfied.  i keep wondering do i want 2 much?  y cant i have it all.  someone who wants 2 plz me.  in the relationship & sexually.  my h is stubborn and slow 2 change.  i just feel like he is just getting away with the affair and doing little extra.  shd i just b happy that he is communicating better.  hes trying.  he bought me roses.  i find myself wanting 2 find another sex partner.  pray 4 me.  i know its wrong.  im jealous of his affair.  i wish id had 1 rather than suffering and waiting. i wish id at least bn satisfied sexually when i cldnt b satisfied relationshipwise.  it just feels unfair.  i get that feelings r nt the beginning & end.  but that is how i feel. i go down on him often but he says if i stoppd he wouldnt care.  if he can do w/o everthing i do.  if sex doesnt matter y'd he have 2 have sex with her.  & if its so unimportant than y bother.