I have cried most of the week, over silly things, then over memories of Levi....almost four years has passed and the ache is still there, the wonder, the confusion of that day. Yet, I know that I am moving on...however slowly...I am. I can cry. My son is dead. That is not regression....it is reality....I am a thinker, a feeler, one that does not take things lightly when such things are painful, life changing, irreversible...that is me.I cry because it hurts and i cry because it doesn't hurt as much...that's my process. And I was not shaped from a cookie cutter, never was that type.I long for holidays with him, yet I accept that he is in Heavan and right now, it isn't going to happen. One day....... when I breathe my very last breath and have completed my journey here, I will be with Levi, and maybe, Christmas happens in heaven...lol, it won't matter, I'll be with him and the Lord....gloriouse imagery and it gives me hope....What is my purpose? To live and be useful.....however that may be.I am not a victim yet a woman, a mother and a servant that has experienced pain and is left with opportunities as they come.Forever, i will love Levi, forever and always.