Alone with my thoughts

As soon as my medicine wears off I start feeling overwhelmed. Loosing Rick is like loosing part of myself. Until someone spouse dies they don't really understand what its like..I didn't when my mom and grandma lost their husbands. Sure I grieved but its much different than when your spouse dies. The person you love, see everyday, live with, sleep with, eat with, go places together...that all ends..and heartache takes their place. Three months on the 17th and I still struggle. Everybody means well but hearing about unending problems and a bunch of stupid drama makes me edgy. I want to retreat from all of it. When something breaks..your husband took care of it..not anymore..my brother helped with a broken faucet and my son helps with the lawn. I am blessed by that..Sitting alone and trying to find myself and a new normal is a up hill battle. I have an anxiety disorder that started 20 yrs. ago and I have been on medication for it. Its genetic and that in self makes life stressful..now its worse. Thanks..I  was married 37 yrs.