Alone or Lonely?

    I have been thinking a lot this week about the "alone but not lonely" thing that people often talk about, especially in light of the recent discussions posted on DS about re-marriage, and when to start dating, etc.  I realize that I have had many good days when I am alone, but not lonely for the most part.  Of course I realize that I have a 5 year head start on many of the people on this site.  With my husband having to live in assisted living the last 4+ years of his life, I found myself living alone for the first time in 2004 at the age of 55.  It took about a year, going through all the seasons, to make the adjustment.  Especially since I don't drive, I had to figure out the logistics of grocery shopping, getting out to see Stan, etc. by myself without a car.    Stan and I were both people who needed some solitary time, and did not want to be doing literally everything every day together.  We were both readers, both liked to write - in my case  letters -  in his case he wrote essays, stories, etc. with hopes of becoming a writer someday.  We also liked quiet, neither of us needing to have a TV or a radio constantly in the background.  We had interests that we shared, and things we did separately.  It was a nice balance, I thought.   I have been trying to sort out what is different from being alone rather than lonely.  Lonely is being alone in the middle of a snowstorm with the power & heat off for 20 hours.  Being alone is watering my spider plant which has gotten so huge since I put it in the "Miracle Grow" potting soil and picturing Stan laughing; he always kidded me about spider plants being so nice, while he knew I thought they were a nuisance and liked other plants better.  Being lonely is trying to pack up things for the move to the new apartment and crying at all the memories that are suddenly there with  photographs, knick-knacks, etc.  Being alone is figuring out how I want to arange my new place and what to hang on the walls, based on my taste, and realizing that I may not want all the same pictures or wall hangings that Stan liked.  Being lonely is waking up some mornings and wondering why I should get up.  Being alone is drinking my coffee and thinking that I should get some of that special kind that Stan would give me every year for Christmas.       Being lonely is missing Stan's presence right now, and wishing he were here.  Being alone is going through my day with the good memories of the times when he was here.        I understand that there will be lonely times in my life, but I don't feel that  being with another person who is not Stan will necessarily  make them go away.   I really have no interest in meeting someone else or trying to duplicate the life I had with Stan.  I am making some new friends gradually, some married, some widowed, some older, etc.  I know several widows a little older than me who did not feel the need to find another husband; said they would only be making comparisons which would not be fair.  They have had happy and busy lives alone. I don't get upset every time I see a couple our age, though I do think of us and wish we could have had more time together.  However we did have our time, and it was wonderful, but it feels as if it's time to move on to whatever the next stage of my life will be, for however long it will be.  I wonder if the FEAR of being "alone" or "lonely" is really worse than the actual thing.I am enjoying the solitude, knowing that I can choose to be with people or not, without feeling forced into a lot of "busy" situations.  Right now I am finding the alone time is a good thing.