Almost two weeks
My birthday was almost two weeks away, that was the last time I masturbated. I promised to myself that after turning 24 I was never ever going to watch porn or masturbate again.
It's very hard to do though. The problem is that I already miss the feeling, I already miss the videos, and the sensations. I feel frustrated all the time, I have the feeling that I'm missing out and that I could do a lot better. When I feel like this I use porn and masturbation in order to cope. I cut porn but the frustration is still inside my head. I keep thinking that I wish that I had a great girlfriend who I was in love with and that she loved me back, I miss C, I think of E, I wonder about F and G. I think of all the love stories that could have been and I think about the many Dreams that could exist. I'm none of them, the stories are not happening and that is frustrating sometimes. It drives me crazy and then I crave for porn. Porn makes me feel good and I stop caring about this other stupid things and there is only one thing that can make porn even better, masturbation. That's when I start thinking about lesbians, sex positions, sensations, etc. Then I fail.
Right now I'm making a great effort to stop myself from searching lesbians. I'm about to turn off the computer but the temptations is getting stronger. This part of my head keeps telling me "We are not going to watch porn, just some lesbians kissing, that will make you feel better and the need for porn will pass" I know it is a LIE, the need will become stronger, unbearable and I will give in.
My birthday was the last time. I'm sick of being this person. If I meet someone like E again, or any other girl, I don't want to feel unworthy of them. I want to feel confident, strong, good. I want to be able to charm her with my personality and not letting her go. I want to keep her to myself and I want her to keep me to herself. NO porn No sickness, I want her to feel lucky that she found me...
I did not masturbate today
It's very hard to do though. The problem is that I already miss the feeling, I already miss the videos, and the sensations. I feel frustrated all the time, I have the feeling that I'm missing out and that I could do a lot better. When I feel like this I use porn and masturbation in order to cope. I cut porn but the frustration is still inside my head. I keep thinking that I wish that I had a great girlfriend who I was in love with and that she loved me back, I miss C, I think of E, I wonder about F and G. I think of all the love stories that could have been and I think about the many Dreams that could exist. I'm none of them, the stories are not happening and that is frustrating sometimes. It drives me crazy and then I crave for porn. Porn makes me feel good and I stop caring about this other stupid things and there is only one thing that can make porn even better, masturbation. That's when I start thinking about lesbians, sex positions, sensations, etc. Then I fail.
Right now I'm making a great effort to stop myself from searching lesbians. I'm about to turn off the computer but the temptations is getting stronger. This part of my head keeps telling me "We are not going to watch porn, just some lesbians kissing, that will make you feel better and the need for porn will pass" I know it is a LIE, the need will become stronger, unbearable and I will give in.
My birthday was the last time. I'm sick of being this person. If I meet someone like E again, or any other girl, I don't want to feel unworthy of them. I want to feel confident, strong, good. I want to be able to charm her with my personality and not letting her go. I want to keep her to myself and I want her to keep me to herself. NO porn No sickness, I want her to feel lucky that she found me...
I did not masturbate today
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