ALMOST READY!
Friday Night-July 25th- I think I am almost ready to pack Scott's things away. Chris, Adam, and Craig will go through the clothes first to see if there is anything they want. I then, thanks to someone here on DS, will pack them away in see-through plastic bins. It is a baby step, I know. But, it is a step. I am just not ready to "really" part with them. However, this will keep all the clothes clean until I am. And, I can still see them. I am not quite ready to deal with the personal things like his "treasures". I may never be. They may just become part of my "treasures. I still feel guily for using things like his flashlight, etc. I always asked when I borrowed something of his, as he did when borrowing my things. Day by day, inch by inch. I guess I have finally, really, for sure, realized Scott is NOT coming back. Oh, it is not that I was delusional or anything. I knew it from the moment I found him. I think it was just a bit much for me to really wrap my head around. I don't know if that makes any sense. Don't care. Maybe I have just been in too much shock for the past 13 1/2 months. In any case, I am sitting here, my throat tightening up and tears coming to my eyes. It hurts so much! I want so much to remember my "baby boy" without feeling pain and sadness. I want to think of him and feel the joy of knowing him and getting to experience life with him. I think that is still several inches away.
Replies
That sense of \"knowing\" in your head that he\'s not coming back versus accepting it in your heart is something I can relate to and I\'m sure others here will too. The feeling of \'taking advantage\' of him by using his things is natural and doing his room can feel like invading his privacy. I was just saying all this to a friend today. It\'s a big step and I\'m sure it will help in the healing process if the time feels right for you. I\'m thinking of you. Charlotte. xox
You will get rid of things when you are ready. My friends and family helped me with Jamie\'s and It meant so much to give some of the things to people who really loved him. Of course it hurts, Hon, you will always love him and miss him and want him--I know!! The pain is neverending, but soon you will start to remember some of the good times and you will start to smile through your tears. Hugging you tight! Judy
That is a good idea with the see thru containers. My Son\'s angel date is on Mon. I am trying to get my mind set to start cleaning up his room. Everything is as he left it that day. Yesterday I finally did a little cleaning in his room. OMG his ceiling fan had not been cleaned for a year. For me, that was a baby step. It did feel better in his room. I still take naps in there sometimes. I too wish the pain would ease up.Love Joanne
i got rid of all joeys clothes and things right away. but boxes of his personal stuff is still in my basement. its so hard to walk by them. i will give them to my other kids someday so my grandson can know a little more about his uncle joey. i know this is hard, i know. i have to remember that their spirits are still with us all the time, and all this stuff is stuff they dont need. hugs and love.
If you think it is the right time...then it is...and what a good idea to put them in see through bags...everyone is different and continue to do things when they feel right to you...love and hugs...Karen
I agree with Karen. It\'s when you think it\'s the right time that matters. And maybe you\'ll think it\'s the right time and start going through his things and decide it\'s not the right time after all. Just do what you feel is right for you. We all know the pain and the hole in our lives that\'s with us in everything we do and everywhere we go. Sending you love and hugs, Cyn
Your doing better than I am. I still haven\'t done a thing with Melissa\'s room. I am waiting for it to be the right time for me. Everyone says that so I will continue to wait. When I\'m ready....I\'m ready. Love and Hugs.
Good for you honey! This is the toughest thing we will ever go through, of that I am absolutely positive. Just do what you need to do. I made Dave pack the boy\'s stuff. It sits in our spare room, in plastic bins, in the basement, still. I haven\'t gone through anything. It will be there when/if I am ready. I let Travis go through their clothes and get what he wanted. He will wear something of Nick\'s or Jordan\'s sometimes, and it takes the wind out of me. I understand your journey honey. I\'m hugging you so tight. Love you, Barbara
What a big step for you. I packed my sons things away about the third month in clear bins. I couldn\'t go in his room and not see life in there so I had to pack up his stuff and let my other son move in there. That is what worked for me. I\'ve kept most everything of his and let my boys go through his clothes. I love to see my other sons where his clothes. It brings a smile to my face. Others may find that difficult. That\'s what makes us all so unique. I think those \"treasures\" will always be just that \"treasures\" and I don\'t see a time in the near future that I will want to part with them. You will shed many tears as you pack but do your best to smile at the memories and be grateful for the years you had him with you however short. Love to you friend. Robin
I just want to squeeze you I am sooo proud of you. You are taking a BIG step and soon you will be able to take the next baby step and then you can start healing. It is important to say goodbye to the past before we can embrace the future. This is not saying that we will forget our children cause that is never something we would want or could do . Instead it forces us to become what they want from us, which is living human beings with a future. Hugs, Inga
I\'ve been crying off and on today (I hate Sundays now), and when I read your journal, it made me cry for you, too. I feel your pain. For the past two weeks, I\'ve been thinking about packing up Justin\'s room. His angel date is 2 weeks away, and I have just been feeling like it\'s time.
I plan on putting all his things in the see through bins so I can see it whenever I want. I alresdy have one of his favorite shirts in my closet so I can see it every day, and feel somehow like he is still with me. This is such a very hard thing to even think about doing. So I\'m there with you, as you look through all those memories.
Remember ... he is still in your heart.
Love ya, Kelly
If you think the time is ready then you do it if not don\'t worry about it. I still have perswonell things of Bobby\'s after 14 year and will never get rid of them. My daughter will take them when I am gone.
Giving you a big hug today, Connie